I am sitting in the prickly green grass,
staring at a single oak tree that looks like it could be a playground
here away from the world.
Thinking of the memories that we shared
Thinking about
Flipping the pages
June,
July,
August before
My life began with you
The 12 years before
clocks tick tick ticking
minutes, seconds before you left me.

I still think about you

when I’m writing in the notebook you gave me.
You would always give me visions of what to write, help me plan.
Still, I think about the way ideas popped into that thick head of yours
that you suggest me to write about
Sometimes I see you
Outside in my yard
Smiling at me, standing by the oak
That sparkle in your eyes, it’s back.

I remember the time
around the  wooden cranberry chocolate table
You could move freely, not just lay in one spot
Getting excited, the perfectly baked blueberry muffins
The soft floor on my rough feet
he you slurped, I laughed

I know that I am the only one that can see you
I feel your hand on my back,
Like when I was a baby, to make me stop crying
I see you when I’m looking at the oak tree
I think of you everyday when I’m writing
The corn walks where you would scare me
by jumping out of the tall stalks like something a monster would do

The cold rainy afternoon
when you were lowered into the ground
The moment when my heart stopped
Wanting to be with you, in heaven
Something that I can’t have
Knowing that being with you might cheer me up
but, knowing that you will always be with me,
Supporting me throughout my life,
having your hand on my back
encouraging me until I am with you
like before
the clock tick tick ticked
and you.

were.

gone.