I look in the mirror, and what do I see?
I see a face glaring back at me
With dark, dead eyes and furrowed brows
That tell a story one couldn’t speak aloud.
I notice lips sealed tight with repressed emotion
And cheeks covered in enough tears to flood an ocean.
The proud cut of the jaw contradicts the bowed head
Which hangs down, as though it were weighted with lead.
As I sink beneath the frustration and sorrow,
I forget all my hopes and thoughts of tomorrow.
There’s no room for optimism in my prison of despair,
There’s barely space for myself and the tainted air.
My past overwhelms me, polluting my mind,
As I recount all the cruelty I haven’t left behind.
Those feelings of hurt, anger, and pain,
They somehow remain,
Despite the forgotten insults and condescending words,
I always remember the meaning I heard:
You’re worthless, you’re nothing, you’re pathetic – a waste –
That’s what he told me in a thousand different ways.
The blame doesn’t lie with him, nor with me,
The blame lies instead with society
For not teaching the little boy that his actions were wrong
And for not telling the little girl that she could be strong.
You see, the biggest mistake we oftentimes make
Is to only treat the symptoms – the medicine we take
Can’t combat the disease, nor even begin,
To help an unfortunate patient win.
It’s the error that we repeat over and over again
And yet, we’re all shocked if or, rather, when
Someone takes his or her own life
Because it’s impossible to erase the strife.
My depression runs its course and finally leaves,
But I know it will be back and, for that, I grieve.
It is never truly gone, it never actually departs;
It will always return and, once again, break my heart.