my mommy | Teen Ink

my mommy

December 31, 2008
By jerdair BRONZE, Chicago, Illinois
jerdair BRONZE, Chicago, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

i watch you sruggle everyday it brings sadness to my heart just to take care of your family thats why youre number one in my heart i cant describe how i feel but my mama my love and grattuide you give all the time and all i do is take but i love you with all of my heart thats why it beats at a fast rate to the people that read this yes this poem is true just think about your special mom and how much she means to you i could have wrote about anything but shes the number one in my heart my life hasnt ending yet but my mother is where it starts what iam trying to say is that i love you mama youre the number one part in my life when i comes down to you i dont have to think twice without you mommy my whole life would restart so i want to let you know i love you and youre number one in my heart

The author's comments:
to be honest i wrote this piece because your mother is what keeps me grounded in my life i watch my mother everyday get up from work leave the house and my mother has a condition in the knees but she stills goes to work but its not for her but for us she gives up everything she has so we wont have to and instead of writting about a cat or a dog we should come togther and foucus on our mothers because they are magical people to carry you for nine months have you and create you into the person you are today and etc. you all should be gratefully for your loving mothers i know iam

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This article has 27 comments.

gdancer said...
on Jan. 23 2012 at 6:21 pm
dats so sad dats why we have to hold on to everyday !!!!

on Feb. 2 2011 at 9:22 am
BeccaKoko SILVER, Mason, Michigan
7 articles 1 photo 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Jesus thinks I'm to die for<3

This is such a great poem!! It has so much potential! But with no line breaks or stanzas or punctuation, this poem lost my attention.... It can be so much better after you do a little editing. Pumped when you finish:) !!!

on Jan. 14 2011 at 5:02 pm
PrettiieBeautiie BRONZE, New York, New York
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Im innocent . .

Aww Too Cutee' Your moms a strong women 

jerdair BRONZE said...
on Jan. 5 2011 at 3:39 pm
jerdair BRONZE, Chicago, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments
that is so sad and your mother knew you loved her and thanks so much for the comment

jerdair BRONZE said...
on Jan. 5 2011 at 3:34 pm
jerdair BRONZE, Chicago, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments
thank you for your comment but apparently you could not read because this is poetry and if you dont like your mom why read this ?

on Jan. 5 2011 at 10:26 am
LilStinka SILVER, Lynden, Washington
5 articles 4 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong
Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers. - Shakespeare

I'm sure she knew you loved her. I'm sorry about what happened though :(

on Oct. 9 2010 at 3:18 pm
misunderstood11 BRONZE, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments
i really enjoy this because my mom means everything to me

on Aug. 13 2010 at 4:13 am
PlasicSmileElizabeth SILVER, Austin, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments
What I regret the most is that I never showed my mother how much I loved her. So she went to bed that night not knowing if I loved her, and never woke up..

on Aug. 12 2010 at 11:05 pm
CreativeModelSould ELITE, Punta Gorda, Florida
102 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain."

This was wonderful. Minus the grammer and structure. lol But I understand... I don't say thankyou to my mom enough and I have searched for the poem I could show my mom to let her know how much I love her. Thank you for sharing this with me and the world.

on Mar. 2 2010 at 7:58 am
my mom does the same for me like you said in the 1rst pharagraph

BMMSMW said...
on Mar. 2 2010 at 7:58 am
i like this poem, it makes me think of my cousin when she was having her baby, he is to cute! his name is Jackson!!!<3 :)

Real17252 said...
on Nov. 7 2009 at 9:01 pm
Real17252, Americus, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
i love this piece

on May. 5 2009 at 1:51 pm
Solo_Artist09 BRONZE, St.louis, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." - Christopher Columbus "The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere." "Never apologize for showing feelings cause when you do you apologize for the truth"

aww...thats really sweet and i know your mother loves you too :-)

on May. 4 2009 at 2:17 am
jennnnnnn BRONZE, Irvine, California
4 articles 6 photos 69 comments
this is sweet :)

but i think using some structure/spacing would really help and would make your poem a lottt better.

return the favor ? thanks!

on May. 3 2009 at 2:39 am
hey_itskatelyn PLATINUM, Willis, Texas
21 articles 0 photos 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
“God, of your goodness, give me yourself; you are enough for me, and anything less that I could ask for would not do you full honour. And if I ask anything that is less, I shall always lack something, but in you alone I have everything”

This is really sweet, but as for structure, it's lacking. Check out some other forms of poetry for guidance. If you are going to use paragraph form, then add punctuation. I would suggest adding lines or stanzas to create flow and an easier read. But you have a great start and an awesome topic to work with:]

on Apr. 19 2009 at 2:29 am
That was so sweet, I love my mother passionatly like you do. Try and maybe make it more in poetic form with some more lyrical qualities...

on Apr. 10 2009 at 9:31 pm
E.L.W. PLATINUM, Glen Allen, Virginia
31 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels.
The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes -
the ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo.
They push the human race forward.

Jerdair, those were lovely thoguths and sentiments and I'm glad you feel sucha strong bond between your mother, but as for as the poetic devices go, it needs some work.

Maybe you should read a few model poems, try a few different styles, experiment with line breaks, capitalization, punctuation, and metaphors, and clean the grammar up a tad. Just work on the poetic devices and grammar, and keep the sweet thoughts, and you have a great poem!

EdytD SILVER said...
on Apr. 8 2009 at 12:59 am
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
i think it could be great, but since it's put in a paragrph, i skip over parts and each line doesn't leave as much emphasis as it could. it's sweet, but a little repetitive.

to xXTearsxOfxLunaXx, if you're looking for a sad poem (and definitely a poem), you could look at this one: it's the one i wrote...

jerdair, you're welcome to look at it 2 of course, but it's a very different style and feeling than yours.

on Mar. 29 2009 at 2:20 am
xXTearsxOfxLunaXx BRONZE, Longmont, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 6 comments
This was not poetry. It was a paragraph about mothers. Not that bad, but kind of a let-down since I was looking for poetry. Plus, I don't really like my mother...

lilly BRONZE said...
on Mar. 23 2009 at 4:56 pm
lilly BRONZE, Burleson, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments
I really like ur proem. ur right lovely girl moms are under appreciated!!!