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orbits we fell out of.
i,
am your nose and
you eyes i couldn't inhabit, deep pools of
wishful thinkings.
i am your ears and
we make jokes as we stretch them and speak
like pale Yodas with much more to worry about.
i am the little frog that lost her tail in the harsh
stream of the river we wished we would go
see sometime and we wouldn't take daddy with us
because he is always yelling.
i want to be the nights we spend,
socialism and proletariat and farmers with dirt in their
fingernails. i want to be the dusk we made
a blanket out of and you told me that i can
do anything, and i sighed into the newborn sun.
i want to be the smile on your face
the first day i didn't need a substance to
grin. and again i could feel the sun tingling
through my fingertips and you were a smile and
you gazed deep into me and together we
sticked the broken pieces, filling
every spot with more and more love and
frogs and the cats we fed and the
stars we named. i want to be your smile and
i want you to remember this in mornings when
your whole body aches and you want to
get up to work for me and i want you to
remember that i always appreciate the
blessing you gave me.
i wish i was more careful,
in all those evenings i threw my anger up on
you and you didn't say a word and just sealed your thin
lips shut.
i wish i was more careful,
all those times you asked me for
one little favor and i didn't know i took you
for granted, i wish i didn't how i wish
i wish i was
a better daughter and i wish
i didn't scar your heart with
every razor cut for every time i thought i failed. i wish
i didn't make you go through sticking your
fingers down my throat and i wish
i had taken poison mindlessly rather
than pills and the note
'i'm sorry.'
i am sorry, mum ' i am sorry for
i fell down too many times and i took
you with me
i am sorry for the times i
took everything and anything for granted and i
wanted to be the sun but forgot you would have to
orbit around me and
i'm sorry for i never guessed that
things can escape gravity
sometimes.
i promise, we will both be
shooting stars and every time you feel tired,
i will steal a little cloud for you
despite that we don't have
much left after all.
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I wish I was a better daughter in the first 12 years, and I only hope I made it up in the last two.