Warm teardrops
run down my legs
as I sob with my head buried in my knees.
I haven't cried like this in a long, long time.
It's a desperate, gasping, painful sort of crying;
But it's also a freeing, cleansing rainstorm sort of crying.

I didn't cry when I made the angry red marks
  that are spread out across my skin.
I didn't cry
  when I felt so empty that I craved pain.
I didn't cry
  when I was praying in the rain
  and I felt the tears that I was sure     
  would come,
  but never came.
I didn't cry
  when I mentally tallied up all
  the components of my depression,
  as if to check that they were all still
  there,
  and still in working order.

As if I didn't know.

As if my silent, bitter disappointment
  didn't know.
As if my inability to get out of bed
didn't know.
As if the secret scars under my clothes
and the masked lies of "I'm fine"
didn't know
As if my loss of appetite,
my silent cries for attention,
the
empty
holes
where my prayers to God
should have been
didn't know.

No, I didn't cry then
but I'm crying now;
Because you love me.

What a strange reason to cry.

My desperate text
Sent at half past eleven
Was swiftly answered with prayers
and love.

Love
That has been building up
inside of me
For so long.
Love
That I tried to forget
Because I was sure that the seeds
Would refuse to grow
And would let me down.
Love
That I tried to drown out
With the silence
Of a stone heart.
Love
That I wanted so badly
And so allowed myself to doubt
That I could ever restart.

But tonight,
It hit me.
And just like the very few times
In the past
That I have looked selfless, unconditional love
In the face
And recognized it for what it is;
It broke me.
Because love
Is brutally beautiful
It is a cold and broken Hallelujah
It is precious blood
Spilt on the sin-stained earth
For the sin-stained children
To be given a new birth;
A new life.
Love is heartbreaking
But a broken heart
is far better
than a heart of stone.
Love has shattered me
Once again
And Oh, what a beautiful thing it is!
For I am no longer
Alone.