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A Lonely Rain
February 28, 2009
In the steady stillness of rain,
I sit and stare,
solitary, yet for the sudden
Sound of splashing
beneath my window.
Silently I watch,
steadily I wait.
alone I sit
by the window.
As the clouds storm
fury and fear,
my tears slide in unison
with the sky's above
onto my window.
Sighing, I gaze out,
trembling, I muse.
alone I sit
by the window.
© Morgan C., Fridley, MN
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This article has 30 comments.
FreakyEyed DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 7 2009 at 6:58 pm
Wow. The first line really draws you in... well done!
I used repetition to emphasize the way the narrator is looking out at the world, staring at things, as she sits in a silent house, watching an unmoving world.
You're right that the first two verses are more about loneliness, and the second about sadness. I viewed it a bit as a causal relationship - her loneliness makes her sad, so to speak.
I'm not sure if anyone caught it, but I tried to use alliteration (w/ s's) to show splashing throughout the poem.
Thanks so much; it really means a lot!
You're right that the first two verses are more about loneliness, and the second about sadness. I viewed it a bit as a causal relationship - her loneliness makes her sad, so to speak.
I'm not sure if anyone caught it, but I tried to use alliteration (w/ s's) to show splashing throughout the poem.
Thanks so much; it really means a lot!
BlindSamurai GOLD said...
on Sep. 6 2009 at 10:57 pm
Redundant is certain aspects when you describe your location by the window, but if done as an effect it works well.
The progression of this poem is absolutely beautiful and you almost seem to show more with less when it comes to the idea of falling rain.
The sadness seems sudden at the end maybe the lonelier tone could be better woven throughout the piece but I really loved this, great job!
The progression of this poem is absolutely beautiful and you almost seem to show more with less when it comes to the idea of falling rain.
The sadness seems sudden at the end maybe the lonelier tone could be better woven throughout the piece but I really loved this, great job!
LoveLikeWoe DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 26 2009 at 2:26 am
this is really good. i loved it a lot. and thank you for the comments. :)
Sarah Bryant SILVER said...
on May. 22 2009 at 3:18 pm
awesome! I love how you captured the feeling of sadness and depression. I could really feel it. It makes me think of when I'm staring out my own window, and just thinking.
Great job! Can't wait to read some more!
Great job! Can't wait to read some more!
hope.floats BRONZE said...
on May. 21 2009 at 2:30 pm
very good. keep writing!
DoLL_F@C3 said...
on May. 3 2009 at 3:19 am
this is really good and keep up the good work. I've posted a new poem.
hey_itskatelyn PLATINUM said...
on May. 3 2009 at 2:48 am
I love your poem! It is full of poetic devices, the sign of a true poet. I love using imagery so i love your poem. Keep it up. If u have any spare time, check out
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/100364/iLove/
and
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/88784/Heartbroken/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/100364/iLove/
and
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/88784/Heartbroken/
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