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Alone
Sitting in the kitchen, silent
but for the steady hum of the fridge,
resting upon the chair: my back upon its back,
my arms resting on its arms.
Over-burdened counters sagging with packages
Unattended to, forgotten and left.
the voices in the background, fading in and out.
Doors slamming with a sense of finality.
The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines
As they run through their simple cycles.
Besides this, the kitchen is silent, silent and sad.
As I sit on the hard chair, staring out into nothing.
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This article has 24 comments.
and you're right - in a way, i was trying to portray the museum - the echoing silence and the gloomy and overly-large exhibit-like cabinets and doors were ment to convey this image.
and i didn't notice that, but that line with the machines does have too many syllables.
thanks guys for your great comments! i'll be sure to check out your poetry in the future! :D
I do not agree with KICK3593. I believe that you captured the feeling perfectly in this poem. The character may hold little integrity, and this may seem stark and museum-like, but when one is depressed or lonely, everything is sterile and numb -- the proverbial "grey room".
The only thing I'd suggest is that the line "The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines" seems a wee bit bulky and out of place. Also, for God's sake, cheer up man!
Here's a good hint on how to write things you like. Write about what you like, be inspired. Write about what you feel, whether happy, mad, sad, demure, things like that. Write about the things that are happening around you and what you think about them...Wow! I sound like Dr. Suess! But I mean it. That's what I do. Others may not like them, bot oh well. That's thier problem.
I'm also not really sure where a hamster comes into play. I was using details in the poem to give off a sense of melancholiness. I have the narrator sitting in a quiet kitchen, alone, staring off into space and thinking. This particular poem wasn't as much about the character's sadness, but instead developed the idea of a kitchen as a representative of this emotion.
This is an intensely mystified character. There is no revelation, no movement, just the stolidity of the two characters, the narrator and the kitchen. What a hypocrite this child is. It sees not yet the cycle he goes through. It might as well be a hamster. And there's the problem... The character holds very little integrity.
(You also have a great taste in literature. =D)
I actually wrote this poem as part of a CTY writing online course, and was told to sit in a kitchen and describe the sounds, tastes, feelings, etc. felt sitting there. We then created a poem out of it, and this was the outcome of my late nights spent in my kitchen.
Some of the lines, though, I didn't actually hear, but added becaue they fit with the image.
(Thanks for the comment. Yes, I wrote "Numbers" in a fit of rage. Lol...)
53 articles 29 photos 111 comments
Favorite Quote:
"This, too, will pass."