HA! Ha ha ha!
I just killed a man this morning
no-MURDERED him! Ha!
The bright morning sun just got to me
I think it was the sun,
hmm... maybe the clouds
everything started out just fine;
I had my usual eggs; sunny-side up,
and I had real fun with the ketchup.
Yeah, maybe it was the ketchup that gave me the idea;
all bright red...
I guess I just wanted to see some blood
the ketchup just wasn't good enough for me...
anyway, I had nothing against the guy,
hell, I didn't even know him!
when I first saw him, he was walking into the restaurant
I was getting ready to go to work.
Awful job I would say, being a waitress
people treat you awful,
like they've completely forgotten that you're the one bringing them their food.
Yeah, maybe it was the crappy job that motivated me.
Anyway, I had only seen the guy come to the restaurant once or twice;
average guy, he came in and ordered eggs; scrambled.
That I remember with perfect clarity, above all other things.
Well, what can I say? It was just so easy,
he went out the back entrance, I watched him leave,
and that's when I saw the knife, just lying there on the counter, nobody watching it.
So I just took it. It was that easy. Next thing I knew, he was a dead body.
I carefully put him in a black plastic garbage bag; I didn't want to waste the blood.
By then, it was my lunch break.
I told my boss that I was taking out the trash, then going home to eat. I wanted eggs.
Everything went well; I tossed him in the trunk of my car, and drove home.
No one saw me. No one noticed.
I dragged him up the steps of my porch, into my house, and went straight to the kitchen.
I opened up the garbage bag.
Not a pretty sight, let me tell you, but it didn't chase away my appetite.
all of the blood had accumulated at the bottom of the bag.
Good. I had no use for the body, but decided I would give the guy a proper burial.
Later. It was lunch time.
Yeah, I cooked myself some eggs for lunch. Okay, that's a little unorthodox, I'll admit.
I wanted to start the day over, the right way.
This time I cooked them scrambled; you know, in honor of the guy, or something.
I started to whistle "I've Been Working on the Railroad", as I beat the eggs viscously.
I never knew how much fun it was to make scrambled eggs!
I used the same plate I had used that morning; white, and perfectly circular.
I prepared the eggs with care,
arranging them on the plate so that they took up exactly half of the room.
By then, I had finished whistling, and I turned back to the garbage bag, and took a long look.
The poor man was soaking in his own blood, and that was just gross.
I dragged the bag into the bathroom, and carefully heaved his body into the bathtub.
I turned on the shower to rinse him off, then, taking the blood-filled garbage bag, left the room.
The man needed his privacy.
I knew exactly what I was going to do next. This was the fun part.
I opened up the refrigerator, hunting, hunting.
Aha! There it was, still three quarters full, I slowly emptied the ketchup bottle,
watching the bright red squiggle from the container, and into the kitchen sink.
I completely emptied the container. The rest was pretty easy,
filling the empty container with the blood, I mean.
I filled the container all the way, but low and behold, there was still some left in the bag.
I stuffed the garbage bag in the refrigerator. No need to be wasteful.
I returned to the eggs, which were, by that point, cold. But the blood was cold too.
Good balance, right? Well, it gets better than that.
I perfected the dish by filling the empty half of the plate with the blood.
Ah, I was completely content,
sitting at that round table, napkin in lap, fork in hand.
I dug in, not wasting a bit.
I have to say that I had never had so much fun!
Who knew that blood tasted so good with eggs? Mmmm.
One thing I knew for sure; ketchup is out of the question!
I was completely full by the time I was done eating,
and I felt so good...So strong. Unstoppable even! The power felt good, I think that was it.
I stood up from the table and walked into the bathroom to check on the guy
he was clean, so I turned off the shower. I didn't want to waste any more water.
I remembered then that I had to get back to work
I took the ketchup bottle with me, just in case I got hungry again.
Minding the speed limit, I hurried to get back to work
unfortunately, I was late, and my boss was concerned about me, asking me why I was late.
I'm never late to work.
He said he saw something strange in my face, 'eccentric' he said. "You're acting a bit eccentric".
He asked if I was feeling alright. I had no idea what he was talking about.
I told him I'd never felt better. Hey, it was the truth.
He gave me a strange look, then dropped the subject.
I thought I was free to go,
until he asked me why I had brought a bottle of ketchup with me to work.
I told him that table six was all out,
and that the reason I was late was because I was out buying more.
He was suspicious. Who wouldn't be? I lied to him! What a terrible thing to do! I always hated lying.
So he went and checked table six, and what-do-you-know, they really were out!
my boss eyed me skeptically, then took the bottle from me and headed over to table six.
I watched as the overweight man sitting at table six poured the blood on his cheeseburger.
he seemed to like the taste of it, just as I had
then I thought to myself,
'hey, it tasted good. I'm doing these people a favor; I'm sharing!'
And sharing is caring, right?
Though I can't say that I care too much for the customers, I mean,
I killed one of them, then served his blood to the rest.
I don't care for the customers. Is that wrong? Is it wrong what I did? No, I just don't care.
well, my boss let me off work early, don't know why, but I guess it was a good thing,
I had some errands to run.
I gave the guy his burial and everything;
I just put him in an empty hole at the nearest cemetery. Like I said; easy.
It's exactly 6:33 right now. Dinner time. I'm having my new favorite food; eggs again, scrambled.
Ha ha, the irony;
that the man whose blood I'm having with these eggs,
had had scrambled eggs just this morning! Ha, I think it's pretty funny.
to cut a long story short, all went well, nothing was wasted.
I do have one problem though;
I just used the last of his blood.
I'm going to need more for tomorrow;
when I have my usual eggs, scrambled.