Dad asks me to get milk
from the corner store,
hands me the change.
I count it, put it in the
pocket of my jacket.
Unzip the pocket, hold the silver coins in
my warm hands uneasy,
double check the amount.
Triple check and one more time.
Shoulders back, walk steady.
Walk steady, smile at strangers,
walk steady, shoulders back.
Practice the conversations you’ll have.
pretend it comes easily,
pretend you don’t have to
rehearse how to be normal
just to go outside.
Skimming the aisles
dodging the arrows of bodies
that cram in this grocery store.
Second glances,
second guessing thoughts twisting into
paranoia.
                                               

Check prices, two percent milk.
                                                                         Shoulders back, walk steady.
                                                              The woman has blonde hair and I
                                                                 can see the angry grey of her
                                                              roots climbing from her scalp.
                                                         Smiles at me, and I return the favor.
                               I hand her the change,
                                                                   walk out. Shoulders back, walk steady.
                                                                                                                A two minute walk home,
                                                                               place the milk on the counter and
                                                                                           left over change beside it.
                                                                                                                                Breathe.
                                                                      Pick out the shards of glass from my lungs and just
                                                                 breathe, safe and sound inside wrapped in warm blankets.