“It’s lovely if strange to have someone cause those feelings.” was Kim’s respond to my dilemma. After one of the craziest weeks of my life I came down with the conclusion that all the little things that I had been feeling were the result of the so called “Butterflies in my stomach”. They came in without a notice, leaving me without a chance to react.
I caught myself thinking a lot about him, something out of the norm. But then he walked by me throwing a peace sign and giving me a sweet smile. I tried to let it go but as his eyes met mine I could feel how the beat of my heart started to rise. Something so uncommon and real. I have been so stubborn, building walls around my heart, making myself emotional unavailable to anyone who may even try to get my attention. I’ve been quick to withdraw myself from a group when I felt like my cold heart could be in danger. But he changed all that, now love songs make sense and poems that used to  make me laugh, now make me smile and think about his eyes. It’s too sad that we can not be. Because life is cruel as it is. How could life do this to me? Give me someone that makes me feel like this and then just take him away from me. He is the first and I’m sure he won’t be the last but what about the butterflies?. They keep make me feel like he will be back, but I know well that it’s more than unlikely. But as my mind keeps repeating every little moment that we shared and that now feel so big and my heartbeat rises at the thought of him, I come down to the conclusion that I must kill the butterflies in my stomach and go back to my old self, colder, prouder, bitter and indifferent. And right now is when the killing begins.