My routine is the same every day

The alarm goes off at 6:00

I roll out of bed by 6:30

Morning runs seem to last a second

When I wish it could go on for infinity

The quiet of the morning

Maybe a light rain or snow

The occasional bark of a neighbor’s dog

Then the run is over

You’re back home needing a shower

In the shower at 7:10 out by 7:20

Blow dry your hair, straighten it too

Get dressed and fully ready by 7:30

Pull out of the driveway at 7:35

Arrive at school around 7:50

At my locker I grab my stuff

Rush down the hall to first block

Pull the door open and drop in my seat

Just as the tardy bell rings

Say the pledge, listen to the announcements

Daydream through class

About all the things I wish would happen but never will

Go about my day head in the clouds

Eat lunch and talk to friends

Back to class we go until the 3:17 bell

Practice till 6 then home doing homework till 10

Every day of my life exactly the same

Until that one day

I went on my run

Breezed into school

Went to my locker and met my best friend at hers

That one kid walked down the hall

Everyone laughing

Tripping him and knocking his stuff out of his hands

Girls whispering guys bullying

I smile for at him for awhile

Trying to be nice but he takes it the wrong way

Averting my eyes I busy myself with my pen

When the screams start I know something is off

Glancing up that one kid is holding a gun

Girls cower behind each other the guys back off

He screams incoherently

Everybody’s quiet

The quarterback steps up talking softly

That one kid yells and screams at the quarterback

Then he lifts the gun and shoots the quarterback

Once

Twice

A third and final time

Silence for a moment before the guns pointed at someone new

A group of cheerleaders crying

The gun goes off and girls fall

My best friend and I freeze hoping and praying this will end

That one kid points the gun at me

I try so hard not to scream

Squeezing my eyes shut I grip my best friend’s hand

The gun goes off and I brace for pain

Opening my eyes slowly I look down at myself

Only to find my best friend on the ground

Crying out I drop to my knees

She breathes out heavily before opening her eyes and looking at me

“Tell my mom sorry for… fighting with her. Tell them all I love… them. Let him know… let him down… slowly… I love you … never forget about me okay?”
I nod holding her hand

She breathes for a few more minutes before her breathing stops

Many people’s eyes are on me

Slowly I shake my head once

A strangled sob comes from that one kid

He says he’s sorry over and over again

Tears stream down both our faces

Our eyes meet for a split second

He says he’s sorry again

Then puts the gun to his own head

I shake my head multiple times

He nods once

Our eyes locked he says sorry one last time

And pulls the trigger for the last time

His body crumples to the ground

The main doors burst open

Police officers and paramedics fly through the doors

There all too late but it’s all the same

We’re now just a school ravaged by bullets

They take the bodies away

I follow after my best friend’s body slowly

Her boyfriend runs to me alongside the guy I like

The guy I like sweeps me into his arms asking if I’m alright

Her boyfriend’s eyes search the crowd and I take his hand

Pointing to where her stretcher is his shoulders droop

Tears pool in his eyes as he makes his way over and around other bodies to get to her

The boy I like hugs me again speaking but I can’t answer

My mouth won’t move

All I can seem to do is cry

So I lay my head on his shoulder and cry

Next month the funerals start

Almost the entire town shows

I guess that’s just what happens when kids die
I assume that’s what happens after school shootings

Morning runs happen no longer

Grades are slipping

I’m skipping classes, not turning in homework

I almost get kicked off of volleyball

Until my coach pulls me aside after practice

We have a long talk

He tells me I’ll be kicked off if I don’t get my life together

He says to dedicate this season to my best friend

Go to state for her

Win state for her

Pull through for her cause she wouldn’t want me to be hurting

Slowly my routine becomes somewhat normal

I go for my runs but now I look around and take it all in

I arrive at school early with my crush and my best friend’s old boyfriend

He’s doing okay, we both are

We’re best friends now

Neither of us take a single thing for granted anymore

We still hurt when someone says her name, or one of the others who died

Graduation rolls around

I give my speech

We sit in silence for seven minutes

In honor of the 27 deaths

Almost everyone in the gym cries

Everybody had some connection with someone who passed

As I walk across the stage tears drip down my face

The principal hands me my diploma and I hug him

I sit through the rest crying the entire time

When he names all the people who died

My best friend’s name is last

The class of ‘18 has graduated

We throw our caps

We hug each other and get pictures

Walking out those doors for the last time I look back once

I remember the time my best friend and I ran down those halls when we were almost late

I see her walk out the gym doors yelling at me to hurry up practice starts soon

I can picture her glancing over her shoulder to smile at me

As I walk out those doors I don’t shed a single tear

A piece of my heart will always be missing as long as she’s gone

Another piece of my heart will stay in that hallway forever

Never leaving, never faltering

But as I walk out those doors I smile

As I walk out those doors I look around at all the friends I’ve made

I think about all the memories I made in those hallways

Those classrooms

Those courts

That track

That long jump pit

And in that moment, I’m satisfied with my life

I’m satisfied with what I’ve done and what I’ve accomplished

All I could wish for would be that my best friend had gotten to be here