I have a war raging within myself

One invisible to your eyes

But to me

It’s overwhelming

It demands control of my life

You don’t hear my internal screams

As I battle the monster inside

I have no visible scars,

You don’t understand why

I lower my barely risen hand

Or I don’t talk over the phone

After texting for so long

Why panic flashes my eyes when I’m called upon

Why I don’t show my art

Why I hide my writings

Why I hold so much of myself back

Why I avoid ordering my own meal

or asking for directions

or asking for anything

But if you look close enough

If you really care

You’ll see my fight

You’ll see my raw skin

From rub

rub

rubbing my skin

You’ll see the unnatural ways

I twist

and

contort my hands

You’ll see my skin faintly tinted green

As my stomach churns

Threatening to bring up my last meal

You’ll see me check my pulse

Because I fear the war drum of my heart

Can be heard by the person next to me

You’ll see the way I let my hair fall in my face

And I make myself look small

When walking through crowds

There are so many signs

If only you could see

If only you cared