paint my lips.

my eyes.

my cheeks.

coat my face in lies,

my body in deception.

i am not who i am,

the water so cold it stings,

up my thighs

lapping at my chest

i forget to breathe

before my head goes under

void of sound,

of light,

of parental supervision.

a stranger offers me beer on the beach,

a stranger offers me sex on the internet

underage,

undressed

biking and running

pounding the pavement

pumping the pedals

until my heart beats out of my chest

trying desperately not to think

drowning four times

before turning three

bit by two yellow jackets

stung by one bee

evening light

burning up your face

orange

illuminating all that i had suspected

and

dismissed