90-110 beats per minute

That’s what the doctor should say-that you’re still in it

But that’s doesn’t happen

Fear creeps slow and steady

And you know that you’ll never be ready

The pregnancy test said positive

After months and months of trying you had your own composite of

A bundle of cells growing, sprouting like seeds from the dirt

You sat there bursting with laughter, while the baby grew inside of you, just a little introvert

But that doesn’t happen

Dear mother your body heaves with the falling of tears

I want to be there to chase away the nightmares

But that can’t happen

Dear mother I am so small, so young

You don’t share your pain with me, instead you hold your tongue

Father, with your iron shield

I can see your shoulders slump, your sword hard to wield

And you can’t make it happen

You can’t breathe life into something that has died

All that can be done is prayers on the side

Frank Sinatra said that love and marriage fit together like a horse and carriage

No one ever sung about what fit together with miscarriage

The mourning

And the mystery

And the misery

It has been a long time gone

Life is a chess match with all of us pawns

But I won’t let that happen

Mother, Father you may not know that I do think of that baby

I think of what it could have been but now it’s just a maybe

Maybe this and maybe that

Maybe a doctor or maybe a brat

Whatever that little person was to become I don’t know

But here’s an ode to the baby in heaven’s meadow.