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The Ruins of Time
Shards of time
Shatter, broken monuments crumble.
Break what used to be complete,
Harden what used to be soft.
Why? Why do we have to get old?
Aging is hard.
Watching yourself from outside
Yourself
Not being yourself, being
Someone else.
It’s hard.
Watching someone you love age is
Just as hard.
Remembering pieces of them
That aren’t there anymore,
Pieces they don’t even remember
In themselves.
But still, you try.
To pick up the pieces, and
Glue them back in place,
But they’re not as strong.
They never will be as strong.
It breaks again.
Discouragement doesn’t push you away.
Trying hard not to lose them,
In their empty minds,
Their staggered breathing,
Their jerky movements.
Trying to get through to them
In their complicated, empty minds,
Trying to find them in
The fallen rubble, among
All the devastation, the broken monuments,
the remnants of what was once complete,
The reliving of Pompeii, but this time,
It’s not just the architecture in flames.
Trying to call out
“I’m here, come back to me!”
They can hear you, your words slicing through
The ashy air like knives.
They watch you from behind destroyed concrete, they try to understand
What they are seeing.
They can’t. So they push it away, and
Think about easier thoughts, simple things,
That don’t matter.
They disappointed you, and they know that.
Hiding behind their anger and faults, using
Themself as a shield from the world,
But really, they’re stabbing themself with a sword.
Ignoring their own broken monument,
Or maybe at the same time grieving in it,
Running and hiding from the calls from your loved ones,
From the world.
Or maybe chasing and seeking,
A new life.
One where the pain is gone,
Their mind is happy,
It’s easier to live,
Easier to think about,
Than finding your way back to the life you have.
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I recently visited my grandparent's senior assisted living facility, and my grandfather seemed distant, faraway, lonely for a land he'd never been to. My grandmother seemed like she wanted to find him from wherever his mind was, bring him back to her, and that's where this idea of broken monuments, and finding loved ones blossomed from.