duty compels me to read into the details
to learn the names of the victims
who were hurt
and who were killed
but I can’t do it tonight.
my soul is empty.
I can only sleep, and
steel myself for tomorrow morning, and
pray nothing more happens
before the sun rises.

the numbers change, but
the killers’ motives stay the same.

god save us.
give me the strength to fight
back against white supremacy.
to scream against the useless foes who
toss “thoughts and prayers” around like so much
flyaway confetti 
to plant my feet and clench my fists and
shout myself hoarse against the terror that chokes me

but most of all

let me wail, rage, sob, grieve,
feel every emotion like a burning dagger through my veins
as long as I can feel, I can still fight
for the worst thing that could happen to me 
is not death, is not heaven nor hell,
but apathy.