I am floating in the pacific ocean, 

close to the Bosnian border. 

It is so vivid, the water is spray paint orange,

And a giant red squid swims past me. 

I want to scream out, “help me please!”

Nothing comes out.

In my hand, I am holding fat-free milk,

Absolutely disgusting.

I am balancing on my mini kayak, 

My White Air Force Ones are dangling into the water. 

It is a horrible day to be on the water,

Sunny and 75 degrees with 45 miles per hour winds.

The kayak is getting smaller,

My grandma keeps telling me that I am getting so big.

It is almost like Dr. Sues,

My mouth is full of green eggs and ham.

I am hoping to be on land apud brevi tempore.

I see my dawg, Ryan Gosling,

He is singing “I will always love you”.

I am very concerned because his philanthropist girlfriend,

Megan looks like a Minotaur. 

All that I know,

If I count to 1,597,839 it will all be over.

There is so much going on,

It all seems like a Scooby-Doo Mystery.