113-

The fat stretches like glue to my hands.

I rub it harder, harder-

lumps locked like cuffs.

110-

It stares at me with permanence, 

shaming me for my weakness

and pushing on my insides. 

The sounds of a grumble taste like chocolate cake.

105-

Mathematics has never been my passion,

yet caloric numbers are all that cross my mind.

A day of 500 plagues me with defeat-

reflections plead for 100,

so how could

 I 

not give them what they want?

103-

A mystical, ubiquitous fog covers my brain.

Diverging plates split my stomach-

sending earthquakes across my body.

Black and blue paint my legs and spine, 

marking me to everyone with the Scarlett A.

100 lb-

A restaurant menu sent tears down my face

and the blue terror slapped my cheeks.

Standing throws me to the floor as my head leaves reality 

and falls into the dark.

The parasitic numbers swarm my brain as they consume what’s left. 

I beg for release but the grips only strengthen.

It’s nails tearing into me as the thrill of emaciation grows vines along my body,

biting my ears with promises of how good skinny tastes.

And yet my pounds are too much-

85, and I will be beyond pain,

ethereal and otherworldly.

97- 

The professor sent me to the house,

the one where “girls like me” reside.

A smile of accomplishment covered my blank face-

halted by a maternal weeping.

They promise to depollute me

and suck the rot out from my brain.

Heavy spoons forced in- 

sticking and clumping their fatness all the way down my throat

suffocating me with numbers.

My big body with a sick mind still remain

as the professor puts me on the weighted stage-

lights glaring-

the audience holding their breath-

and the eyes of my mother gawking, followed

with murmurs that fill my desperate belly.

One day the fear will fade away- 

the comfort of warm soup will play only sonatas of digestion

and never will they revisit my throat again

to make their journey spiraling down the toilet bowl.

Until that day, I hang my final pins while the arms of the Madonna hold me warm.

Drink my blood and eat my body.

Eat it all away.