not quite a stereotype | Teen Ink

not quite a stereotype

November 27, 2021
By bis-xualhorrorstory BRONZE, Rio Rancho, New Mexico
bis-xualhorrorstory BRONZE, Rio Rancho, New Mexico
1 article 0 photos 0 comments


sometimes im impatient


i want to grow up right now, right now,

get away from here


i crave the freedom of a steady paycheck,

outfits not criticized or picked out for me,

freedom to hang a flag on the wall 

and not be scared of repercussions


i wish i could buy an apartment 

and have all my friends over at once 

and not care about the mess

or the bed i havent made


sometimes i want to push the fast-forward button on my life

and skip all of these days that look the same

and winters with no snow, never any snow


im not unhappy now,

but sometimes i feel stifled


not that i dont have the freedom to express myself,

more that i lack the confidence in such close proximity


sometimes the only way i can get through today

is by thinking of what i might have tomorrow


but sometimes i dont want that


sometimes i want to be a little kid again,

to not worry about things like my makeup or my clothes,

to not even have an idea of the worlds preconceptions

about sexuality or gender,

no bias or malice aforethought or behind it


i want to wake up in the morning and complain

about having to get up at 8 am, 8 am

because its so early, mom 

please let me stay home from school just this once


i remember when i didnt think about boys or girls

except for friendship,

and making up crushes under the playset

because come on, its truth or dare

and if no juicy secrets get spilled then whats the point in playing?


i want the freedom of knowing that 

someone else is taking care of me

and i dont have to worry

not now, not ever, baby


funny, isnt it?


i crave both complete control


and total release


everything and nothing


simultaneously


sometimes the feeling is overwhelming,

but i dont know what i need


mom always says i should

be more social,

come out of your room every once in a while

maybe then you wouldnt be so

tired, so

bored, so

done


sometimes i can do that

sometimes i love people,

and being around them,

and i can laugh loud

and i can be happy


but sometimes i just want 

to be alone

where people who say they love me

dont tear down my interests, 

my friends,

me


can i escape into a book?

into the fanfiction i write, then deny,

because someone said

that loving something 

enough to spark creation

is a thing to be ashamed of?


well i think the thing

that you should truly be ashamed of

is hypocrisy, saying you

love someone, you trust them


but obviously you dont trust me enough

to know that when i say how i feel

It isnt up for debate

and you cant just change my mind

like that


i love them,

but i hate them too,

and for me,

that is the shameful thing


but i cant help it


when i cant fully be me,

how can i fully love you?


these moments are when i most crave adulthood

and also when i feel most like a teen 

a stereotype, negative connotations

drilled into me for as long as i can remember


why is it so bad to like being alone?

listening to my music loud, sometimes i can forget my thoughts 

and almost achieve that feeling

of freedom, 

childhood


im not overthinking anything,

i am thinking exactly

the right amount

for me


right now, i am

where i am


and no matter how much i wish 

to be somewhere different,

im not,

and i wont be for a few years yet


and that waiting 

makes me feel 

some sort of way


it makes me feel 

like a

stupid

teenage

stereotype


but maybe

that isnt 

entirely

a bad thing?


after all, i dont have everything

but i dont have nothing either


i have some


glass half empty,

glass half full,

glass cracked

but not broken, not yet


and someday,

i’ll have snow


The author's comments:

my name is esme. this piece is mostly about my own struggles with my family and the basic teenage stereotype. it was kind of a vent piece i did in one night, so please be gentle! love<3


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This article has 3 comments.


Afra ELITE said...
on Nov. 29 2021 at 8:56 pm
Afra ELITE, Kandy, Other
102 articles 7 photos 1819 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A writer must never be short of ideas."
-Gabriel Agreste- (Fictional character- Miraculous)

Powerful words in just one night...I can't believe it...You're really talented, Esme...Keep writing...Awaiting for more from you...

You can check out my poems too...This is one of my recent ones...Vote them if you like them...

TeenInk.com/poetry/ballad/article/1144624/The-Toppled-Crayons

Lydiaq ELITE said...
on Nov. 28 2021 at 10:26 pm
Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
172 articles 54 photos 1026 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe must be a teenage girl. So much darkness, so many stars.
--me

Crazy Sparrow!

on Nov. 28 2021 at 9:04 am
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
200 articles 23 photos 1053 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)

"Upon his bench the pieces lay
As if an artwork on display
Of gears and hands
And wire-thin bands
That glisten in dim candle play." -Janice T., Clockwork[love that poem, dont know why, im not steampunk]

ha. you get up at 8? thats nice. im getting up at 5:30.