My lungs feel like mercury

The weight sloshing around in circles

Constricting every breath

I pull my belts tight

Until the skin beneath goes red

Sucking in my breath to make it tighter

Holding my breath

So it stays in place

I am all too scared of people's eyes

Because I can't count my breaths

And pretend I'm okay

So sometimes the mask may fade

Every person feels like a stethoscope

Searcing for the inconsistencies of my pace

Pointing out insecurities I already know

Looking for the skipped breaths

Constricting

"You may breathe how I tell you"

But I am looking for the first breath of winter

The stinging cold

The lightness of my lungs

The steam of warm breath

Evaporating into the air

This is the breath of Freedom

No more sucking in my stomach

No counting breaths

No shifting eyes

Just breathing in the cold, real, honest air

And letting the seldom given freedom fill me

Because it only lasts one season