I miss you trust me

I do

You think I got with him to get back at you

But I didn’t

I got with him to help me move on

He makes me happy

We do things you and I never did

He makes me laugh

He plays with my hair

I help him when he needs it in school

He makes sure I get to my classes on time

He tries to keep me in check

Which you did as well

But there is a different type of happiness that I feel with him than I did with you

You were there when I needed you 

But I didn’t feel like I was talking TO you I felt like I was talking AT you

You wanted a serious relationship which is also what I wanted

But I also wanted someone I could goof around with

Someone to make me smile

Someone who sings to me

Someone who will stick up for me when people are making an ass of themselves

And someone who I don’t have to hide

HE does that 

Anytime anyone pisses me off 

He’s there ready to make it right

Now I realize he won’t stick around forever but I am happy at the moment and that’s all I really need 

I realized I’m not going to find my forever person right away 

Especially at the age I am now

But all I can do is make the best out of the situation and try to be happy with the person that I am sharing these moments with

Even if it’s not you

It’s hard because all I want is for it to be you, but I know now, you are not my forever person

And honestly, that hurts me

It hurts every single day

Every time he hugs me

Every time we kiss

Every time I see him

I wish it was you

But that is never going to happen again 

I cannot allow myself to fall into your everlasting trap of pain

The truth is though…

If it meant being able to love you again

I would hurt myself over and over and over again

Just for one more heartfelt moment with you and things the way they were before

But I am making a promise

To not allow myself to go through that pain with you again

Because it has happened too many times 

And it’s honestly putting me into an exhausting mental state

I love you, always will but we can not love each other anymore; even though I’m still not entirely sure you ever did, but I am okay with that, I’m okay with all of this and that’s my final statement.