it’s funny

how quickly you disappear

those first days

awkward, bumbling

a blush still crawling across my skin

later 

you melted into the background

a dot in my impressionist painting

i saw you every day

but never saw you

you have no idea

how liberating that was

and then

her 

my best friend

you call her that name

you only ever called me

you watch her

like you used to watch me

you smile at her

in a way you never smiled for me

what was wrong with me

why did you choose me

if you couldn’t handle me

what is wrong with you

a car crash on repeat

forcing me to relive everything you put me through

forcing me to watch 

you and her

you and her

i’m fine with that

as long as it’s not

you and me