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May I have this Dance?
May I have this Dance?
I’m a people pleaser
milestone achiever
heavy door holder
and I’m also
goddamn compliant.
I’m a girl at a ball,
swaying how I please
to the thumps and swoons
of the music.
My skirts swirling
and cascading
around me.
My hips rolling
and my lips forming
a smile for no one
but myself.
Until
I am approached
by a young gentlemen.
His grating voice
shaking me
out of my stupor.
May I have this dance?
He reaches for my waist
first with his eyes
and then with his hands.
I feel cold and hot at the same time
as my body marionettes
around the dance floor.
As I kick my feet in time
to the music
I kick myself.
Why,
why must I let others walk over me?
I’d still be a lady
if I respectfully declined.
Wouldn’t I?
As the music fades
he releases me from
his grasp.
My next move then
I cannot explain.
Instead of walking away
with my dignity intact,
I groveled.
I smiled at him and
thanked him for the dance.
Only then did I walk
away
with my tail between
my legs.
I can see my friends
whispering.
Smiling at me,
while I sneer at myself.
I run to the powder room
and stare at myself
in the mirror.
This cordial girl
with skin like snow
and hair like autumn leaves
cannot be me.
Those placating teeth
and soothing vocal
resonance
cannot belong to me.
Who have I become?
And yet
amidst the chaos
I find myself.
A wild glimmer
In those dark, deep eyes
A spark of my once
free self
Finally found.
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Personal boundaries are important. It is no small feat to be able to enforce to someone how you feel.