I remember when I was only
four years old
at my gramma's house
playing in the hose
I wanted to wear swim trunks
like my brothers
and my cousin
But my gramma gently eased my tears
helped me into my tankini
and I pretended I did not hate every second

I remember when I was still in
Headstart Johnson pre-school
the girls' bathroom flooded
and we all had to use the boys'
I got in line for the urinals
like my friends
and this boy I detested
My pre-k teacher ruffled my too long hair
showed me to the stall
and I pretended I did not want to cry at the word "girl"

I remember when I had just turned
six years old
we got the ad in the mail
for wildcats baseball.
I wanted to play baseball
like my father did
and the boys in the books I read
My mother ripped up the sign up sheet
signed me up for girls' summer camp
and I pretended that I did not hate her for it

I remember it was not until I was
thirteen years old
when I picked up the yearly ad
for wildcats baseball
I wanted to have something to do over the summer
like my sibling
and my brother
My father asked why I had never asked sooner
and took me to sign up
What would have happened if I had asked my mother?

Quantum Reality says
somewhere I am a very different person
It's 11:30 and Quantum Reality says
for every universe where I am trans,
there is one where I am not.
It's 12 am, but somewhere
it isn't