I sit under the soft glow of my computer screen

In my pitch dark house.

The city is asleep.

Every house on the block with its lights off

With only the street lights left 

To accompany the lonely tar roads.

My MacBook quietly hums 

As it tries its best to keep up.

In the same way I try my best to keep up

As I grow weary, 

Working on my never-ending list of homework.

Falling asleep with my computer slipping off my lap

And dirty dinner plates covering my bed

Has become a habit.

My unfinished calculus homework 

And incomprehensible biology assignments

Laying amidst the plates.

“Can I get one more day to finish,” I ask.

But all I get in return is, “Why didn’t you start earlier?”

As the pile of assignments from other classes turns to look at me

Wearing a menacing look

And I think about all the times I’ve fallen asleep at 4 a.m. doing homework

Waking up the next morning

Stressed on how to finish the assignment before its deadline

While I’m barely able to keep my eyes open in class

But the teacher doesn’t care about that.

Sick one day? Mom in the ER? Grandma just died?

Great, more homework for once you return.

Wearing a costume, 

Built to play the role of pretending to be okay.

Easy to look happy,

But not so easy to actually feel happy.

Diverting your attention from urgent personal matters

Just to get the letter A written under your name

In black Helvetica Neue text.

The barrier between eustress and destress lies nonexistent 

In this decade-old prison.

“It’s to prepare you for college,” they say,

But that’s just as good as saying “It’ll get better.”

Because it never really does.

We stress in high school for college

In college for a career

And in a career for retirement.

When life is finally at its end and we can reminisce

Enjoying our final few days

In what is now our brittle bruised bones

To do whatever our worn-out bodies will allow us to do.

But when will I get time to enjoy 

The supposed “best time of my life.”

To slow down.

To chase after my dreams, 

Whether that’s sitting at my desk painting the day away

Or working hard running my own business.

When will I get to roll the windows of my car down 

And scream at the top of my lungs to my favorite song

As the sun sets

And not a worry in the world exists.

But here I am,

Stuck pulling my hair out about one assignment after another

And about whether I’ll get accepted into college 

Even though I wasn’t the perfect student

Even though I didn’t find the cure for cancer

And even though I just tried to make it through

Day by day.

When will I get my turn to live life

And to embrace my youth?