LIFETIME RACE

as our hour glass runs out and our bones go brittle

little by little i'm proud of the decisions we've made the colors we both decided to draw your artistic vision leaves me in awe thinking of all these things we saw

things we promised to each other in our youth suddenly becoming our law

hours go by as i reminisce these stories i've told minutes pass as my memory gets sold

i pray my memory never begins to fold & lose the images of us before we were old i smile as i rock in my chair

and gaze upon the gray streaks through your hair breathing has become harder but i don't care i was gifted the love of the lifetime so to me my death is fair times we would stay up up late

just to talk early mornings when i would walk you steadily drawing thoughts in my brain with chalk its like my dreams you constantly stalked catching my eyes like a hawk but now i only dream while awake

cause the nightmare of not waking up to your face is something i don't want to face

but i know time waits for no one

but i'll always wait for you no matter the time it'll take or things i'll have to do

one thing will always remain true

in my last days i'll always have someone to pursue death will always have to chase me cause i'll always chase you

WHAT IF?

what if i started a war with every land known to man countries united states through japan to show i could withstand all the pain that may come with being your man would you understand?

what if i jumped off the cliff diving in the sea going deep underneath to find the real you but you float back to the surface but beautiful i can't swim but i'd drown for you on purpose what if i jumped out of of a plane no urge to complain feeling completely sane as you scream from fear of someone not catching you i sit gazing open your eyes while on mute

as i fall freely because I gave you my parachute, what if I went to the wild with low chances to survive steady waiting for you to arrive would you ever show? my fears convince me not to know but i honestly don't even care i choose to take the dare for those eyes that i love to stare

ill find you i swear in any condition as the seams of my shoes begin to tear

my love all i ask is that you send me one single flare &

no matter where you are in the world i'll be there

DO YOU?

my beautiful dove angel from above i wrote something something for you to see to keep between you & me secret to keep

in the letter i just talked about my love for you

as if you didn't you have a clue like you didn't know it to be true but as i sealed the letter with a kiss i realized reciprocation is something i miss why do i continuously worry about what to do next when i know you barely worry about sending a text

my hesitance comes from the thought of doing too much often remembering times my emotions were saw as weaknesses and such allowing others to use me as a crutch flinching from the thought of a touch but your hands i still want to clutch but should i continue writing these letters while 3 dots indicate you typing should i still sleep with you on my mind knowing its freighting knowing that sometimes i feel you spite me i still just had to ask do you even like me?

IDK

i really hate that one question the one people ask because they're curious or sometimes concerned

i don't like sadness being the reason for the attention i've earned

they ask "what's wrong" a conversation thats never prolonged sometimes not even wanting an answer just trying to move on... i mean its better anyway i really don't have much to say

i mean not to anyone but to my notes? yes everyday i guess no one was meant to truly see & understand me but that's okay just hopefully these words can bring comfort to the world and guide a home for anyone feeling astray or uplift the spirits of someone having a bad day

how i truly feel inside is something i just hardly show i always just try to find a good reason for the pain i undergo but i hate when i'm feeling low and no matter how many walls i put up my sadness continues to flow but the agony being slow

me and depression going toe to toe but i think everyone has a sad story so when you ask me "what's wrong?"

I say i don't know

318

i don't know how to feel about today

i mean I'm alive and that's okay

but i never thought this long on earth i would ever stay but l'm thankful i must say seems i was just a child the other day remember being scared yet excited with the thought of being free being whatever i wanted to be seeing whatever i wanted to see & capturing memories that i could always keep where did my innocence go? lost at 7.....8 man i don't know people or circumstances debt being blame that i owe or is it me? "stop it cho" we did it bruh we finally made it the shootouts, the heartbreak, the pain, the graduation.…. the abandonment, the attempt, the the times our dad knew that we was waiting but still we did it we still chose to shine and chose to grow

we still walk this earth smiling & carrying hope heart full of love

wickedness being something i choose not to know

march 8th today is your happy birthday honcho

CARTOON LOVE

your love makes me believe in cartoons when you walk pass how flowers bloom the moment you cry the sky glooms and dark cloud follows but it only follows you

how the the view of you makes me float laying down my coat over any puddle of harm to make sure you don't get soaked all the times we laughed and joked or how the audience applauded in my head when your smile showed

the moments of anger when you spin into a typhoon destruction rearranging the room allowing negativity to be consumed i don't know maybe its too soon but its our season finale

and it should be our honey moon she nods to assure that we're in tune birds singing and animals dancing cause we just jumped the broom she asks "where should we go?" i ponder as a lightbulb is drawn above me then boom

"hey beautiful why don't we just go to the moon?"

TWO SIDED/COUNTDOWN

Just a kid roaming south 4 streets

 violent as can be

 no father figure to speak harboring anger underneath

 running with a crew of 3 

decided to destroy everything they see

 happily this story doesn't repeat

 quite the opposite you see

2 this kid

peace is all he seeks

 he honestly feels complete

trying to make a difference every week

 cause he feels his purpose is to help heal the weak

1 night decided to hit his potential peak 

share his words he used to keep really

 scared but trusting his savior & taking a risky leap

 if you close your eyes & countdown 

tell me what two kids do you see? 

the beautiful thing about growth is both those kids were me

BIRD BOX

in this world of lies & manipulation we closed our eyes

i hold your hand guiding you through strobes of uncertainty whispers growing louder claiming that you'll hurt me no matter the warning my eyes remain sealed this is a risk I'm willing to take a 

mistake i'm willing to make

tell me it'll be us for my consciousness's sake you said this a bond that was safe to create and one you wouldn't dare to break

but still the light grows brighter burning my lids but you assure me closed is our safest way and that you're here to stay

so you tell me keep them closed & i gently tell you okay the whispers turnt to screams strobes turnt to beams

what could all of this mean? i open my eyes blinded by the things that i seen

it revealed to me your true intentions

cruel acts with no repentance leading us to things that only supported your vision

so i released your hand & waved to you good riddance 

"365"

i prepare myself as i get ready to ascend up your wall

praying this time i don't fall cause this may very well be the end of it all

no matter the challenge my hopes for us stand tall no matter the distance ill always answer your call if needed ill run to you when you're feeling low

ill crawl and if you ever begin to feel things get too crowded & there's no space for me at all ill compress my emotions and make myself small why does it feel like our love must be a brawl? tearing up the halls

stir up of anger & frustration without allowing our emotions to dissolve

but i know through time we'll always evolve you just have to promise me to stay involved together there's really no problem we can't solve i just ask you be the earth to my sun

3 6 5 let our love revolve

"ANSWERING MACHINE"

I decided to call her today

ringing noises as i nervously looked at the phone fingers crossed that she's there at home higher ones hoping she's there alone...

"hello this is"

a smile grew as I heard her beautiful tone

too many thoughts flow through my head but i know what to say like the words in a song...

I just wanted to tell you I was wrong pushing you away wasn't right

and honestly you're the only good person i'm honored to say i've known when it comes to love pain remains the subject for me and the verb that follows continues to be prone

I feel lost late at night through these lonely streets i've roamed

I guess I called to tell you

wherever you are is the place I consider home I promise to try giving you the world

while knowing its something you can attain on your own

I let out a sigh of relief hoping she could hear the sincerity of the message in my tone

"hello this is i'm sorry right now I can't come to the phone"

Notes

"SELF RESPECT"

not feeling regret

purging the thought of what could've been next, longing the promises we promised would be kept

may the ocean be the home for my heart due to the endless tears it's wept still

I wish you the best

sending you prayers before I lay my head to rest

i'm grateful

i'm grateful I experienced neglect thankful to see the beauty that flows deeply within your flesh

thankful for the chance to miss vou as it reminds me we once met

thank you for allowing me to see l am whats best

d @honchodgaf

thank you for helping me understand the importance of that two worded statement self respect.