My mind like a rat king 

Full of knots and tangles 

A place of fire and ice 

everything and nothing 

I can feel the voices bantering in my mind

Hear the stories come to life 

I find myself lost in a world of almost 

Trying to see and only surfacing with darkness 

 No matter how I try I find only blank space 

Mother says I spend to much time up there

But the voices whisper stories into life

I can’t help but wonder for who

My mind a cage I have yet to find the key to 

I push and push against my mind to see,

only ever gifted vague impressions 

I continue school, dreaming dreams I dare not speak of

I wish to see the world, speak their language, adapt their culture

I wish for a world not my own

Dreaming of volcanoes in Japan, 

Red stone roads of Italy 

But you see I never really see 

My mind conjures images 

Yet i'm only ever left with vague impressions

I'm told to focus more, work harder

 I hear without fully processing 

Blood pours from my skin

I wonder if what I see is blue perhaps red

Im awake without being awake 

Tired despite always dreaming 

I trip up over words tell all I can think is “Kaylee, shut up” 

I can no longer tell right from left mind working in overdrive

 “Please just, breathe.” 

How can I breath when I can not see 

I try to see but all I can do is smell the sweet cherry blossoms I have yet to see

I am 15 I should be able to take the drivers sit now

Yet I am still pushing against the door trying to see in. 

Love,

I am at a point where I no longer believe my mind is my own

I am floating in blank space with no escape 

Mind a mysterious book  

I can’t seem to find my way out  

Trapped inside but never able to see

The tangy taste of blood pulls me to reality for short bursts of moments at a time

One day I will have found myself this treasure my mind seems to have made

Stuck in the boring lines of reality without escape 

“Baby love is not loyalty” 

If that is reality I would rather split my hands open trying to pry the smallest of gaps  door to my mind

The wind sings a soothing melody of nature which I can not replicate 

My Minds icy depths jerk me back to reality, yet choke me silently with hopes and dreams  

My Mind a frigidly warm place 

A place where I seek both comfort and pain

I find myself wondering if I’ve finally gone insane  

A key hangs from my neck

The key to my mind

Finally access

A key I am all to willing to let be lost in the mess that is my mind