(Note to submissions reader, this poem is meant to raise awareness and bring solidarity to those who struggle with self harm. I don't know if I'm meant to put a tw but I thought I'd put this here in case. I hope you are still able to enjoy my writing.)

It may be hard to believe, 

But I know darling;

I know about that ache in your chest

Begging you to release 

To scream 

To cry

To throw and break everything within reach.

But 

People are watching. 

So you don’t.

Later, 

When you’re alone,

That is when you 

b

r

e

a

k

Quiet as everything I never told you,

The ropes finally snap.

Drop by drop 

Sliding into puddles of red

Quickly wiped away to divert

Attention 

Even though sometimes 

You cannot help but 

Wonder if that is all it would take

To put down the blade.

But you cannot bring yourself to take the risk.

Not when there are 

So many possible outcomes.

Wrath,

Sorrow,

Watching your mother cry

You never are ready for that moment

Are you? 

-When you realize that you don’t get to be the only one broken by your pain?

And you can’t take that right now. 

More breaking.

So you don’t say anything

For a 

Very long 

Time.

But 

You do heal eventually.

There comes a day when

You are able to speak 

Without blood sticking your tongue 

To the roof of your mouth

In thick globs of fear.

And trusting so much easier now

Because the marks of your pain,

All those years of agony 

They are nothing more than lines of pink

Against smooth skin. 

Soft and so simple to cry over.

It is suddenly easy for everyone who looked the other way

While you were drowning to 

Beg forgiveness for not being there 

To share the burden,

To wipe away the drops of blood the way

You wipe away their tears.

Because now they know.

Now they believe you.

But somehow

You find yourself forgiving them

As fingers flaking with the dried red of

Your past clasp clean ones 

You cannot help but forgive them. 

My,

How ignorant humans are to pain.

Paralyzed with the terror of it all.

But 

You are not afraid.

Not anymore.

You know

Exactly 

What it is like.

And yet,

With every inch of the heart 

Whose walls you spent so long 

Bludgeoning down to find the

Tenderness beneath, 

You forgive them.

Because at your core,

That is who you are.

Who we all are.

Flawed,

Hurting,

But beautifully forgiving 

Even when the apology comes 

Too 

Late.

-Yeva Ruiz 1/9/24