Drowning,

I’m drowning,

there is nothing but void.

I stretch my hand out,

hoping for what, I do not know.

It is searing, heavy, wretched on my heart,

it burns, it aches, until there is nothing left,

this suffocating burden knows no end, no start,

I will not survive the devastating quest.

But my body floats, ever so slightly,

and in an inexplicable moment,

my voice wants to thank the force,

but my lungs fill with water as a miserable reminder,

and the desire is suddenly, there no more.

I am too far from them,

I am too far from the surface 

It is brighter yes, 

but I will stay always

Truth is, the world may seek those in the dark,

but never will they seek the depths.

Everyone knows now to accept,

The impossibility to turn back

once left too long, left too far

I ponder, 

as time becomes irrelevant in my mind,

as the weight of my evil pushes me down,

Should I thank I’m on a spiral,

or protest against the downward motion? 

Is it better to embrace rancour or determinedly strive?

Should I have fought my way to the surface,

Or was falling into death, better than falling into life?