I want to cry,
I want to cry and shake and sob
and push away all consolation,
I want to bask in uncontrollable misery
with no chance of being stopped,
I want to curse and throw glasses against walls
So that everyone knows exactly how messed up I am,

I want people to look at me and see the disgust that lives inside me,
I want people to fear me because I cannot be understood,
I am a physical oddity that cares not for anything,
Let my nails fill with dirt and my feet blood
Because nothing matters the way you claim it does,
I don’t want people to see beauty or strength or control,
Let them see fear and grass and the raw emotions
That I cover up with dry skin and bleached hair,
I am a monster, and I cannot stop.