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When I Cried:
November 9, 2009
When I cried you cried with me
The tears streaming down your face
Faster than the hail streamed down that day when
Obstinate
We decided to build a fort outside
Of an old blue tarp,
tied from each end to the scrawny apple tree.
Golf-ball sized hail. We couldn’t believe it.
Trapped and vulnerable in your back yard
I started to laugh.
When I laughed you laughed with me
Peals off insanity emitting from somewhere deep within
We couldn’t stop.
When I laughed you laughed with me—
Laughed until we cried.
The hail pelted down on our heads
Our hearts.
The same way your tears rained down on my heart
Warming it
To know that you’d be there.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 10 comments.
calephchad BRONZE said...
on Nov. 19 2009 at 4:22 pm
This poem is sweet; very different. If you want, come check out some of mine. I would really appreciate it. Rate, comment, whatever you want. I just think you'll really enjoy them. Thanks.
AndThisIsReal PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 19 2009 at 10:09 am
.Charming.
ariwrites94 GOLD said...
on Nov. 19 2009 at 8:34 am
wonderful poem! you are a talented writer!!! keep up the jaw-dropping work :) oh yeah if you have time could you maybe read, comment, and rate my poem called "Sensitive Am I?" Thanx. :)
firstsnowfalls DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 18 2009 at 3:23 pm
when i was writing it, i was thinking about the way it affected me that someone was so close to me that they cried with me, about something that didn't even involve them, that it showed me that this person would always be there for me. Wow. I just reread that and it didn't sound any clearer, but yeah. That's how it is for me. I was thinking of this in a very emotional way. This may have been confusing because other aspects of the poem were very literal. Anyway, thanks for your feedback!
I love the isolated "obstinate". Pretty awesome.
I do want to offer a suggestion--the image at the end of the heart being cried upon, and then getting warmer, confused me a little, since it clearly wasn't getting warmer because of tears directly.
That's all though. Well done!!
I do want to offer a suggestion--the image at the end of the heart being cried upon, and then getting warmer, confused me a little, since it clearly wasn't getting warmer because of tears directly.
That's all though. Well done!!
ilovetinkerbell GOLD said...
on Nov. 16 2009 at 3:09 pm
I loved it. It reminds me of very old memories of when I was a child. Great job on writing it.
ShaeMusicLover SILVER said...
on Nov. 16 2009 at 10:20 am
I love the emotion in here I can really see it and feel it. Great poem.
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