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Fallin'
November 23, 2009
thump, thump, thump.
my heart beats so fast.
thump, thump, thump.
ur driving me wild.
thump, thump, thump.
why r u so perfect?
thump, thump, thump.
i love it when u smile.
thump, thump, thump.
wish u knew who i was.
thump, thump, thump.
wish i wasnt so invisible.
thump, thump, thump.
boy, im fallin’ 4 u.
thump, thump, thump.
wake up and see.
thump, thump, thump.
ur the one 4 me.
thump, thump, thump.
and im the one 4 u.
thump, thump, thump.
hold me in ur arms.
thump, thump, thump.
tell me im perfect.
thump, thump, thump.
please do it 4 me.
thump, thump, thump.
make my day!
thump, thump, thump.
maybe after u do,
thump, thump, thump.
the fallin’ will go away.
© Brian M., Fishers, IN
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 5 comments.
XOXOhaloXOXO GOLD said...
on Jan. 3 2010 at 7:32 pm
my destroy me poem was published. i think u'll like this one better!
XOXOhaloXOXO GOLD said...
on Dec. 15 2009 at 8:46 pm
when the destroy me! poem i wrote gets published, ill let you know. it doesn't have a name on it but it is mine.
XOXOhaloXOXO GOLD said...
on Dec. 10 2009 at 6:48 am
Thanks for the advice...like I said, I wasn't really a fan if this poem so I'll try to fix it up...I have some better ones pending approval right now...I'll let you know when they make it on the site(I really like these ones).
---Sixx--- PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 10 2009 at 5:53 am
The idea for this was good. My suggestions are:
-Despite the fact that the "thump thump thump" was a good factor, I found it a little too repetetive.
-Try to elaborate more on the girl's feeling; there was more description in the quotations bar than in the poem.
Keep working!
-Despite the fact that the "thump thump thump" was a good factor, I found it a little too repetetive.
-Try to elaborate more on the girl's feeling; there was more description in the quotations bar than in the poem.
Keep working!
XOXOhaloXOXO GOLD said...
on Dec. 9 2009 at 6:51 pm
I hope u enjoy this poem. It's not my best, so feel free to criticize. Thanks!
