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Nothing Can Replace You
December 24, 2009
The moon swings way up so high.
The stars hungs far above the moon in all its brightness.
The sun burns with so much light.
Just float on a fluffly cloud,
not caring a thing about the world.
I ride upon the stars of shooting.
I swim in the endless galaxies.
I slide on the rings of saturn.
I walk with the universe in its eternity.
I watch the stars twinkling across a desert of black
I return back to this place because in all the worlds, galaxies, and universe. No other place has what this place does.
What this place holds is my friend.
That friend is not just any ol' friend.
It is my True friend
The name of that friend is
Pica
© Morgan R., Haddon Heights, NJ
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 5 comments.
friend-less said...
on Aug. 23 2010 at 12:43 pm
sounds like she is more than a "friend". but i like the poem.
AbbotRabbit GOLD said...
on Jan. 14 2010 at 11:46 am
This poem has great flow and insight.
I really enjoyed it.
Lovely poem darling =]
-Please check out the works that I have posted on here it would be highly appreciated and I think you would greatly enjoy them, Thankk youz-
XxIll tell you Im an orphan after you meet myy familyXx
I really enjoyed it.
Lovely poem darling =]
-Please check out the works that I have posted on here it would be highly appreciated and I think you would greatly enjoy them, Thankk youz-
XxIll tell you Im an orphan after you meet myy familyXx
LostJacket,
In your poem, Nothing Can Replace You, there is a strong use of imagery from the, “sun burns with so much light,” to “stars twinkling across a desert of black.” This is a very unique way of remembering your friend. If you are considering revising your poem you might want to change the wording of the poem, for example, “change stars of shooting” to shooting stars. It just sounds a little awkward the way it is now. You also might want to consider linking one or two lines in the 2nd stanza to give the poem a more natural flow. For example, “ I ride upon (shooting stars),
swim in endless galaxies,
slide on rings of Saturn,
walk . .
and watch . .”
I hope you find my comments helpful and ,of course, it is your poem, feel free to keep it or change it as you like.
-Alice B.
In your poem, Nothing Can Replace You, there is a strong use of imagery from the, “sun burns with so much light,” to “stars twinkling across a desert of black.” This is a very unique way of remembering your friend. If you are considering revising your poem you might want to change the wording of the poem, for example, “change stars of shooting” to shooting stars. It just sounds a little awkward the way it is now. You also might want to consider linking one or two lines in the 2nd stanza to give the poem a more natural flow. For example, “ I ride upon (shooting stars),
swim in endless galaxies,
slide on rings of Saturn,
walk . .
and watch . .”
I hope you find my comments helpful and ,of course, it is your poem, feel free to keep it or change it as you like.
-Alice B.
BlackMoonWhiteSky PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 8 2010 at 9:44 am
It has dreamlike quality.
