I've learned to shut out the pain when it's the worst
When the fire scorching my skin puts it at just about melting point
When the hammer coming down on my skull just about splits me down the middle
When the knife is sliced softly through the skin and resting heavily on the vein, daring it to pop
When the weight of the world collapses so hard and instantaneously on my shoulders that even every feel-good song, fairytale-ending movie and heart-warming book or quote is powerless at suppressing the stress
It's like a flick of a switch
I'm on, I'm off
I'm up, I'm down
I'm open' I'm closed
I've let out my feelings time and time again, been completely honest when you never were
I've let myself believe you could change, a second chance
I've given you the benefit of the doubt
No more
The wall's been built
The blinds shut tight
No emotion, expression
Time to save this heart, protect it from the sharp, sinister tools you wield
I was here, now I'm gone
And I'm running so damned fast, getting my head start
Back down into the darkness
Or just back down the dusty road
I tell myself this time's different
I can't go back, for never again do I want to feel the hurt, the tears, the fear
But already I'm instinctively switching directions
Perhaps it's because, when I stole a glance behind me:
I realized no one was chasing.