Desire | Teen Ink

Desire

December 13, 2010
By Cuore GOLD, Saint Augustine, Florida
Cuore GOLD, Saint Augustine, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be the change you wish to see- Ghandi<br /> <br /> Everything in this room is eatable, even I&#039;m eatable, but that my dears is called cannibalism and is highly frowned upon in most societies.- Willy Wonka<br /> <br /> Bright lights often blind those who can&#039;t see. ~


Blood red lips smile at me
Taunting; teasing
Grinning with glee-filled malice
What does she want this grinning beast?
What does this terrible beauty desire?
I ask this of her and she replies thus

“Desire? Desire. Desire is I, but what I desire is you.”

With this she laughs
White teeth flash silver
Her eyes insane
They bore into mine
She grabs my wrist
Pulling me under

Desire has me now


The author's comments:
I just came up with this off the top of my head. PLEASE RATE AND COMMENT!!! I do not care how harsh you are, just tell me what you did or did not like about my poem and any suggestions you have for changing it.

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This article has 3 comments.


TashaSunny said...
on Jan. 5 2011 at 7:36 pm
I like it. I think it is well written and I like the original sentence, but I would not have disliked the 1st one Sessai mentions.  The idea would work well inside of another story too.

Cuore GOLD said...
on Jan. 3 2011 at 7:52 pm
Cuore GOLD, Saint Augustine, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be the change you wish to see- Ghandi<br /> <br /> Everything in this room is eatable, even I&#039;m eatable, but that my dears is called cannibalism and is highly frowned upon in most societies.- Willy Wonka<br /> <br /> Bright lights often blind those who can&#039;t see. ~

Thanks! It would sound better that first way you mentioned it.

Sessai GOLD said...
on Jan. 3 2011 at 4:06 pm
Sessai GOLD, Hollister, Florida
14 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
I dislike hypocrites. Especially when they are hypocritical against hypocrites.~<br /> Walking with demons is be easier than walking with angels~

I like it! I just wanted to say that I've been experiementing with different ways of writing sentences and found this sentence extremely fun to use - 'I ask this of her and she replies thus'

You could also write-

I ask of her this and thus she replies

Or-

I ask her of this, and and thus she replies...

ect. ect. ect. You get the picture 

I thought this was interesting. :) And I really liked this by the way