I will not cry.
I will NOT cry.
I refuse to cry
or show any emotion at all.
Because crying
is a sign
of weakness.
That's what he says.
That's what he says when he tells me I can't do anything right
when he asks me whose child I am
because I can't be his.
I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Why?
Why do I try
to please him?
To make him happy?
even if it means
destroying myself
from the inside out
just to do it
because I can
feel pain.
I can't feel anything else
but I can
feel pain
and so I hold on to that pain
and I use it
to make me stronger
to keep my sanity
because without it
I am nothing.
Without it
he wins.