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First time

April 27, 2011
By gleek1234 GOLD, Burlington, Vermont
More by this author
gleek1234 GOLD, Burlington, Vermont
17 articles 0 photos 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
You did let me go you left me broken and heartless, crying out for help, with no one to answer my calls-Shilpa Pierpont-Hale ( poem) Love hurts

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She grips his hand
as he lead her
to the dance floor
his hand reaches
her hips, his lips
slowly caress her cheek
and moves to her lips
as they rock back and fourth
she feels as if the
whole world stop working
just for them, there first dance

© Liza M., Vineland, NJ

The author's comments:
This is a poem about a boy and a girl or if you want to loook at it like a guy and a guy or a girl and a girl having there first dance and how it feels.
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This article has 7 comments.

gleek1234 GOLD said...
on Feb. 17 2012 at 11:51 am
gleek1234 GOLD, Burlington, Vermont
17 articles 0 photos 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
You did let me go you left me broken and heartless, crying out for help, with no one to answer my calls-Shilpa Pierpont-Hale ( poem) Love hurts

View profile
alright well i think i am a good writer but i could always be better so thank you
gleek1234 GOLD said...
on Feb. 10 2012 at 9:58 pm
gleek1234 GOLD, Burlington, Vermont
17 articles 0 photos 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
You did let me go you left me broken and heartless, crying out for help, with no one to answer my calls-Shilpa Pierpont-Hale ( poem) Love hurts

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you know what? i think this poem because maybe its personal too me! and ill try to edit it more but i like itthx
billgamesh11 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 3 2012 at 2:17 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

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Ok, I'm sorry, that last one was a little uncalled for:( I'm PMSing:P But still, us on Teenink do want you to become a better writer, that's all that first comment was trying to tell you
billgamesh11 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 2 2012 at 1:59 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

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How am I being mean? You posted it here knowing that people will comment on it, and some will give you advice on how to make it better. You should take it into consideration at least, and then decide if that would make it better or not. No one was trying to be mean, just helpful. And you aren't always going to get comments like "omg I love this!!!", no matter how good your piece was, people on Teenink will try to get yu to the point where you do get those comments a lot, people like ME. I want to help you become better. This would be mean: There is a 33.3% chance that you would chose the right kind of there, but... You didn't. See? That's mean.
gleek1234 GOLD said...
on Feb. 2 2012 at 10:44 am
gleek1234 GOLD, Burlington, Vermont
17 articles 0 photos 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
You did let me go you left me broken and heartless, crying out for help, with no one to answer my calls-Shilpa Pierpont-Hale ( poem) Love hurts

View profile
ummm ok i decided to make them kiss ok so.... maybe they were going out and then had a dance so umm yeah anyway i thought it was an awsome poem thank you very muchand yeah ill try to edit more also u r being kind of mean
billgamesh11 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 24 2011 at 2:59 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

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Ok?

And it was an okay poem

With lots of editing mistakes

It should be "leads her"

and "back and forth"

And usually people don't kiss on their first dance, and if they do, it probably isn't the first thing they do, so you probably shoul've included more dancing, less kissing. I'm NOT being mean, (at least I'm not trying to be:) just critical. I truly believe that this poem can go places if you put some more dancing and feelings in it. That's just my opinion! Keep writing though!!! :):):);)

 

gleek1234 GOLD said...
on Jul. 7 2011 at 8:01 pm
gleek1234 GOLD, Burlington, Vermont
17 articles 0 photos 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
You did let me go you left me broken and heartless, crying out for help, with no one to answer my calls-Shilpa Pierpont-Hale ( poem) Love hurts

View profile
This is awsome ( I'm commenting on my own thing yeah cause I'm cool like that yo!! :/