we’re here to help you

All you have to do is throw away your entire life
Dance the 12 steps and look forward to days filled with strife
and don’t even think about your old friends
we can’t forgive their sins
avoid them like the black plague
and fix your clothes, they’re full of snags
You look too pretty
You look too ugly
You can’t win with us
And if you don’t conform we can throw you on a bus
And, believe us
You don’t want to know where its one stop is.
You’ve already set your life on fire we’re just trying to reduce the kerosine
Do you even know what that word means?
Don’t drink too much caffeine, absolutely no nicotine
We’re putting you in this machine
Hopefully this time you come out as a normal human being
And tell us every single detail of your dark and sinful past
Don’t leave anything out and don’t even try to make this go by fast
It won’t be painless and we want you to cry
If you don’t we’ll just assume you’re telling a thousand lies
We have people listening in to your phone conversations
If we hear something provocative we will gladly make you a reservation
at the local jail
We also rifle through all of your mail
In case someone decides to send you heroin cookies or methamphetamine pie
We’ll be ready to shame you and make you want to die
Stop looking so serious this will be fun!
Your freedom ends here, and you can bet that your career as a criminal is done.