We used to go up to grandma's house | Teen Ink

We used to go up to grandma's house

July 19, 2011
By corallee DIAMOND, Newport Coast, California
corallee DIAMOND, Newport Coast, California
50 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Clutching our bellies after a warm, sumptuous feast that
with drowsy smiles, we claimed could only happen on weekends.
we’d say our empty goodbyes,
knowing we would return soon.
the door would open,
the cold air would rush in, desperate to taste the warm notes of apples, five-spice, and oranges
that is my
grandma’s home.
We used to go to that gas station.
It was always quiet while
Night was doing her work:
brushing glittering novas across the sky
for me to silently drink in
as I scrunched and wrinkled my nose at the thick smell of propane and junk food blanketing the air.
While the tank filled up,
daddy would squeegee the windows
suds in neat columns
all over the windshield and driver’s window.
but sometimes,
sometimes if I was lucky,
If the glittering stars,
warm blanket,
aroma of gas
were all perfectly aligned;
daddy would squeegee my window.
he’d create his columns of cloudiness
then follow with rows of clarity
and if he noticed my eyes
and my nose, all scrunched up,
he would smile,
the sweetness of his laughter rivaling the radiance of the stars.
and he’d scrunch his nose too, with a chuckle to himself as he moved to the next window.

I rarely go up to grandma’s house.
Clutching my almost-six-pack,
as I politely claimed I had already eaten, disgusted by the large feast.
who eats like this on weekends?
I’d say my empty goodbyes,
Eager to whip the door open,
become enveloped by the raw bite in the air,
anything to get away from the sickening smell of apples,
and oranges
wafting from
packaged bags and boxes that were placedin my mother’s hands.

We still go to that gas station,
the smell of propane and junk food still thick in the air.
However, night has grown weary,
her release of glitter has slowed.
and sometimes,
If the glittering stars,
warm blanket,
aroma of gas
were all perfectly aligned;
daddy would squeegee my window,
smiling at me
trying to get my attention,
as I pretend
to be

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This article has 3 comments.

on Jun. 26 2012 at 1:05 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

It does change alot going from your childhood to a teenager and you don't realize it until what easily pleased you as a kid doesn't have the same affect on you once you hit those teenage years.  You did a very good description of that.  I was a little confused by the word "squeegee" I've never heard I thought it was a mistake until I looked it up.  And I was like "OOOOHHH I know what that is" and that part of the poem made more sense to me.  Very good job! xD

Eirias SILVER said...
on Jun. 11 2012 at 6:34 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

This is a very . . . descrptive . . . type of poetry. This isn't the kind where I can stylistically point out a flaw or suggeston that would improve the meter . . . so I will just have to tell you my brutally honest reaction as I read this.

First, I am disappointed that this has no rhythm. This is a completlely valid style of poetry (that is, one that is basically a compilation of the most powerful discriptors, to make up for an "lack" of "style") but not a type that I am particularly fond of. If I'm reading for my enjoyment, I usually stop if the poem hasn't pulled me in by about the 3rd or 4th line (you can extend this by making . . . say a 6-line stanza to get me to finish the stanza before judging). I know I miss many good pieces like this, but I also filter out loads of gargage so I can read stuff that DOES capture my interest.

That said, I DID continue reading because you asked me to, and I found your use of language to be marvellously refreshing. (This is the kind of stuff that many contests use when deciding who to give the prize to.)

I would like to break the stanza after "grandma's home."

Aside from that, I've got nothing for you. You obviously have a way with words, but I value metrical flow more than exquiste vocabulary (either is perfectly fine --like classical music vs rock and roll vs country . . . a classical critic might not be able to evaluate a rock and roll very well because a) he is unfamiliar with it, and b) there is a REASON he is unfamiliar with it (i.e.: he doesn't prefer that style in general).

Hope this helps!

on Aug. 4 2011 at 6:31 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
A perfect portrayal of going from a child to a teen. I wouldn't change a thing.