.I only say "I hate you" because I feel like the loser.

It's comforting to think that animosity gives me power over change, over pain, over how I'm hurt and you're fine.

The worst pain in the world is saying "I love you" and not heaing it back.

That empty wanting feeling comes to night to remind you, as if you forgot, YOU'RE ALONE.

"Hate" makes me slightly feel like I penitrated your world, even a little bit

to impact you a fraction of how you impact me.

Whether I mean it or not it's just band-aiding the pain that may or may not be your fault.

It's fun to say it is. That I don't love you.

That if you read my mind it won't be longing for you to say "I matter to you."

It's fun to think that people can't look me in the eyes and see me rip into my own heart and scrape the darkest chasum just to form the words "I hate you."

It's fun to think that they can't hear my voice waver

that they can't see the tears form

that they can't see the misery...

But fun doesn't last forever... and just like this ended, PRETENDING ends.

And then "I hate you again" for a few seconds...

because I'll always love you.

.