Secrets | Teen Ink

Secrets

August 16, 2011
By Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott


Will you keep my secret inside?
Or whisper to the passing tide?
And reveal it to all who maybe care
Perhaps, better, in truth, not to dare
To risk, and them with this burden trust
It is not more noble than to rust,
Expose the labyrinths of your soul

But you still may say, this is not so,
Your soul is no iron can
Then how, do tell, to span
This chasm of questions, doubts,
If every other person shouts
In order not to hear
The secrets which you share

I speak, and you listen, enthralled
None to find out the reason you called
Out in your dreams, rebirthed with desire
To tell them the words and feed the fire
In the secrets of their hearts
Which might exist
Will you keep my secret inside?


The author's comments:
Will you keep my secret inside? Did you find out this unconcealed secret inside the poem?

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This article has 34 comments.


falala said...
on Aug. 19 2011 at 11:41 am
falala, New York, New York
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments
so I re-read it keeping the whole muse/inspiration thing in mind and now it definitely makes more sense. a lot more sense than my interpretation actually. I guess I took the topic too literally. Using this the topic of secrets to describe writing is really such a creative idea and really makes me like this poem a lot more! btw, I still haven't been able to figure this out completely, but how does someone become a "VIP"? lots more feedback to come! :)

on Aug. 18 2011 at 9:43 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

I'll read your new story; tomorrow, though (too tired). Everybody obviously has their own interpretation, but I am wondering if you can see mine... I had thought that the speaker is the muse, inspiration (whatever that makes us write), and is asking the person whether he/she will write, ie, keep the secrtet inside, or not... Makes sense?

falala said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 11:55 am
falala, New York, New York
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments
haha nope, not intended. :) well, I think that in the beginning the character was trying to figure out whether to tell someone something and then as it goes on, I think the character is saying that it would benefit others if they didn't know. I think the character is speaking to someone who he thinks will tell her secret, hence "Will you keep my secret inside?" So, that's my interpretation, and if it's not what you had intended to portray, it's okay because everyone sees and reads things differently. You're the write so your interpretation and the message that you meant to send out are really the ones that matter. again, great job! btw, if you liked my Little Mermaid story, I recently submitted a Cinderella re-write (modern version) and I think you'll like that too. :)

on Aug. 18 2011 at 8:08 am
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you! (Your first sentence rhymes,! was that intended?) I'm getting really curious, what message did you see in the poem? (Just wondering whether it was the one I intended).

falala said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 9:48 pm
falala, New York, New York
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments
The rhyme really makes this poem unique, and the words that form it really make the reader think! overall, you managed to not reveal the specific message throughout the whole poem, and the topic is totally relatable. great work! :)

on Aug. 17 2011 at 3:15 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you very much, I'm really glad you do.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 3:12 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Actually, I really like your suggestion, but first of all, I was trying to make the rhyming lines match with the number of syllables (so that would not work with the pattern), second, I tried to give the poem a double meaning (I'm not quite sure if I succeded with that), the secrets aren't scars. But thank you for the suggestion. :)

Harebelle GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 2:28 pm
Harebelle GOLD, Vancouver, Other
14 articles 1 photo 118 comments

I like this! The rhyme is really natural and doesn't seem strained. I think that's what makes this sound like a song, like someone else said. I also like how you repeated the first line at the end.

 


on Aug. 17 2011 at 2:02 pm
Tink2011 BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
I might have said in the second line: or whisper my scars to the passing tide... my way makes less sense i suppose lol

on Aug. 17 2011 at 2:00 pm
Tink2011 BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
My changes would only make it more abstract, so maybe you wouldn't want to be abstract, Idk...

on Aug. 17 2011 at 8:07 am
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you, can you please tell me which places you would have worded differently?

on Aug. 16 2011 at 10:00 pm
Tink2011 BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
The diction is exquisite, although there are a few places I would have worded things differently, this is overall a good piece! Nothing bad to say about it!

on Aug. 16 2011 at 8:20 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you!

on Aug. 16 2011 at 5:13 pm
secrets_of_silence GOLD, Gisborne, Other
12 articles 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
life had i loved the more
had it but passed away
as quietly as the day
ebbs from the darkening star.


-emanuel litvinoff

wow kinda reads like a songs sung..... if that makes sense