the last time I started running I couldn’t stop
i ran until the ground and the soles of my shoes had morphed together
team mates striving forward at an impossible pace for an undefined purpose
destruction grazing over and onto their path
into and onto their patched-up dirty hearts
nothing mattered except for the beads of sweat the thump of my sneakers the gasps for breath
Some people run to forget
and that is what i did- i forgot almost everything
i forgot why i was running and where to, i forgot how to feel
i wasn’t feeling anymore, i wasn’t there
but i never forgot how to fight, and fight i did
somehow i managed to loosen up my shoelaces
and one day i gathered up the courage to grab my sneakers and pull them off, realizing as I did that I hated running
sweet release overwhelmed the arches of my feet, the tips of my toes
i was able to feel again
i was no longer afraid of living
i stopped and strolled quietly, letting my good thoughts comfort me and disregarding the bad
(i am useless I am ugly I am weak I am insignifigant I am sad)
(I am worth it I am beautiful I am strong I am enough I am happy)
it is always hard trust yourself enough to let go of the addictions which inhibit your heart
but it is always worth it to try