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Drown
January 25, 2012
It's funny how you find the perfect Valentine,
But you're moving soon and the date is getting closer.
At the end of the month I'm gone and all I see is the end of November.
I met him early around September,
I told him how I felt, still get shivers.
I love the way he stares and how he waves
Because when he stares and waves it's all heading my way.
I plan to kiss him once
maybe love him twice.
But once I leave him,
I'll never be the same
and I'm sure he'll change.
Because once you find the perfect one all do is love them it's profound.
Once you leave them all you do is drown.
© Hui Y., Potsdam, NY
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This article has 5 comments.
Helena_Noel BRONZE said...
on Jan. 27 2012 at 8:34 pm
Hmm. I love the thought behind it, and it has beautiful flow. But the words themselves don't make sense and feel a little wierd. The beginning was confusing, but good. I loved the last line, it was beautiful. But I was stuck on the line before it: "Because once you find the perfect one all do is love them it's profound"....... I think there was a typo here and it really throw things off. I would have walked away just loving it all around, but it made me look the poem over a little more thoroughly, because I needed to in order to understand it, and that just made me more confused.
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 27 2012 at 3:51 pm
aw the heart got messed up >:(
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 27 2012 at 3:50 pm
I wasnt sure if i liked this poem when i first started reading it, and then i read the last line....i LOVE the last line< 3..."once you leave them all you do is drown"...omg so true...imma give it 4/5, i liked your poem "Smile" better, but this one has a wonderful ending =)
This poem portrays well the pain that comes with loving someone and then having to leave them. It has a nice ring to it, I enjoyed it a lot, well done! I would love if you could read and give feeedback on my poem "A Plea To Mankind" or "Tempest Love." That would mean a lot, thank you and nice job!
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Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest