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Cracks
February 5, 2012
I struggle;
The dam is cracking.
Droplets seep through,
Despite my intentions.
The pits in my stomach
My brain,
My heart,
Are swelling, crashing waves
Suffocating.
I can't breathe.
I can't escape.
I try to fight, but
I can't.
I, I, I.
I wonder if he hurts too?
If his holes are deep and black, like mine.
I hope so.
I hope not.
He shouldn't hurt.
Or should he?
He left me behind.
The pain of loneliness
Crushes me momentarily,
And the dam crumbles,
Only to be rebuilt
When others are watching.
© Carl N., Little Rock, AR
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This article has 6 comments.
Padfoot507 PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 17 2012 at 11:30 pm
thanks!! means a lot
Padfoot507 PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 17 2012 at 11:29 pm
i getcha ;) the "I I I" was a way to say i realized how self centered i was being. It's about my brother going to college, so i realized that i was being selfish and he should be a part of it too. Thanks you so much for reading and the advice and such! :D
I think it's a pretty good write, Some parts sound strange like "I, I, I." Doesn't sound like a poem 2 me, It's good 4 a start, The more you read the better you write, Reading your poem out loud could improve your skill, Honestly I really like the first 3 lines and the last 5, Keep Writing :) !
Studio_Riet GOLD said...
on Feb. 8 2012 at 5:11 pm
Kind of metaphorical. . . Could be about a lot of different things. . . Nice :)
TheDarkSideofZeppelin SILVER said...
on Feb. 7 2012 at 11:02 pm
This poem is deep! :o But it's freakin' awesome! xD
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