All I Seek | Teen Ink

All I Seek

April 16, 2012
By nobody0617 PLATINUM, Aiken, South Carolina
nobody0617 PLATINUM, Aiken, South Carolina
28 articles 7 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's absolutely amazing the power of words. It can make you laugh. It can make you cry. It can change your view of the world or it can change the world's view of you." -Me


Under the spotlight scrutinized by hundreds
Thousands
Maybe even a million and two,
The expectation level to perform is higher than ever.
“Don’t let them down” I tell myself.
“Don’t mess up” I command my calloused, aching fingers.
“Please accept me for who I am” a tiny voice in my head whispers so quietly
Even a ghost would struggle to make out the words.
But finally, it’s over.
All smiles in the audience, save one, reveal my great triumph as a young Juilliard star.
An almost flawless performance in my eyes,
But unfortunately, I don’t share the same opinion as the small pointed Japanese woman at my house.
“Your G sharp too sharp! Shorter staccatos in Vivace section of Sarasate!
Need more practice before recital tomorrow.”
But how can I practice any more than I already am?
Three hours a day is ample practice time for a fifteen year old, right?
I argue back, but I always get the same response back:
“You Pre-Juilliard Artist because you young and you good.
Aim for better.”
It’s sickly religious how she preaches that one line to me
Day in and day out—
But how can I possibly be better than my best?
How can I make her proud of me?
Perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection.
Once again, I tuck the Stradivarius beneath my chin where my violin bruise is a sickly blackened purple
I curl my calloused fingers around the neck of the violin ready to practice until…
Until…
Who cares anymore?
Perfection is all I seek yet I’ll never reach it.
I’d love to have a break from the hundreds of hours of practicing and rehearsing,
But I’d also love to have my mother’s approval that I’m good enough.


The author's comments:
Perfection is all I seek yet I’ll never reach it.

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