The smoke clouds my mind,
As it's hard to find what I've won and lost.
Was it all worth the cost?
No "I love you"'s found.
I can't forget the sound,
Of the words that you said.
Am I really better off dead?
No, that's not true.
No one belongs dead, not even you.

And I wish I could forget.
I wish it everyday.
It doesn't make the pain go away.
I'm scarred, on the inside and out.
It makes it worse when you scream and shout.
All my life I've dealt with this,
and I just don't know how.

I remember the happy times,
Even if they are a distant memory.
It's such a pain to see,
'Cause I wish things were like they used to be.
I could wish, and wish,
Upon a star that's not there.
And stare and stare,
Wishing a home was still there.

And you'll never know how,
I've tried to make you proud.
How I've been one to not follow the crowd.
I've refused the temptations,
That would call on the worse.
All that I've committed to,
All that I've rehearsed.
Wanting to further an education,
And not stay stuck here.
Not wanting to go far away,
So I'd at least be near.

and I know the struggles you've gone through.
Putting on a smile,
'Cause no one knows the real you.
Not even me anymore.
Raising up those who become a bother.
Then, you have to raise another.
And, you take it out on us.
Leaving scars that you can't see.
Now I'm starting to question someone,
That has meant so much to me.

and I'm sorry for what he did to you.
I still see the pain that you went through.
It'll cloud my mind everyday,
I wish I could of taken the pain away.
Maybe everything would be different now,
Everything not as bad.
But now it's getting so sad to the point,
That I wish it would all go away.

I tried my best to stay strong,
and Try to keep things getting along.
I can't do it anymore,
My heart's sore.
and I'm ready to see what my life has in store.
I'll make my own future,
Even if I'm unsure of what comes next.
I'll go to college, I'll get a good job,
I'll be able to help people when they sob.
I'll be there for someone, when they really need it.
It'll be a way that I can give back,
The things that I've missed.

I'll have my own family,
and I'll do them proud.
I'll have kids,
and I'll be there for them always.
Even if curve balls will hit us sideways.
I'll be that anchor of support,
Keeping alive what I helped build.
I won't let that dream be killed.

I love you, and I always will.
When I leave, I'll love you still.
I know you tried your best,
and That's all I could ask.
Like Mother like Son,
I've built my own mask.
I'll miss the memories,
That were filled with smiles,
and Hope.
Just the thought of them,
Will help me cope.