There are echos in my body
From this time last year








I remember sitting here








8:00 AM








Coffee making false butterflies in my stomach and




I want something to Smoke.
This year, there is no Coffee
No animal in my head waiting to get

High
-


Only a system jarred by the distinct sense that it is being haunted!

Life is present now, yet intertwined with Seductive Déjà-vu














Coming in waves,














Ridden by a dangerous wind who moans my name.
They want to snatch me up
Masked by siren skins
Drag me down to their irriguous bed
At the bottom of a stagnant lake



Where it is so shady







and cool





guarded by











a lonelyquiet lady

I recall days,
Wandering
Seeing with dewy eyes and a lovelycloudy mind:
Images to be forgotten before waking the next morning
Hearing without listening:
Sounds which would not pierce a thick and sluggish skin

Too tired to attempt.







Too careless to succeed.

These days,
I retain some of that nonchalance
Because like everything
It has left its mark in me, and
Helped me to accept that
I was born to DO.
To be fulfilled by
Inwardly
Drifting
Along
A
gorgeous
Current
Of unchained
Emotions
Confidence
Shame
Desire
Passion
Pain
Doubt
Furious
Rage
Patience
And
Understanding

Externally
Reigning! Commanding! Learning! Knowing! Teaching!
Yelling! Silencing! Leading! Feeding! Growing!


But oh, yes -
How I long to retreat back into the head of yesterme,
And once more enter that hazycharming time!
It was dark there;



This world is bright, constant, and nagging.
But, I cannot succumb.
The ability has left me,
And eloped with a
Fleetingmomentofchildhood!

So I suppose
I was never meant to revel in conscience-free delight.

It may be my duty to suffer,
It may be my destiny to struggle,
With jealousy leering from the stands,
And guilt whispering behind me!

Fearing this,
I let Anger quietly tickle my soul and
Hope that one day,
She will repay me.
I have kept her hidden well, for
So long.