The Little Things
Those little things I looked for,
That’s what killed me most:
The sweet goodnight texts,
The random phone calls.
You never did that though;
You never tried,
Never put enough effort in like you should have.
To me,
You never wanted this;
You never wanted me.
I tried to stay with you,
No matter how much hurt and pain I went through,
Yet when I had tried to leave you,
You came and cried to me.
Those little things when you showed emotion:
When you hugged me from behind,
Or when you kissed my forehead,
Those little things meant the most,
The little things like saying “I love you” first.
Girls thrive on the little things you do for them.
Maybe that’s why I was so unhappy;
You never showed me those little tidbits of love.
It seemed like you never cared.
Sometimes I question if you ever were really mine back then…
Did I ever mean that much to you?
Deep down, I feel I did,
But when I think about it,
I realize that if I meant that much to you,
You would’ve tried to talk to me.
You wouldn’t have given up so easily.
The little things.
The lonely thoughts I used to have…
Those were what mattered to me.
How I felt when I left your house,
Or sometimes how I felt when I was with you,
I should have felt nothing but happiness.
In reality, I realize I felt nothing but sadness;
Upset, and lost within love.
Knowing you never showed the little things,
Or you never realized how much those little things mattered
Even though I told you how much they meant to me,
Let’s me know you never cared.
Just keep in mind,
It’s the little things that matter the most.
Promises
All I’ve done for the past months with you
Is pretend to be someone I’m not.
I went behind their backs,
I lied to them.
I tried to leave them behind.
You controlled me,
Because I was so scared to lose you
That I believed I’d do anything for you.
I promised you that I’d move in with you;
That was a promise I never should have made.
A promise that I know deep down,
I never could have gone through with
Because I could never leave my parents like that.
Ever.
I guess people make promises
Just to break them.
You told me multiple times that you’d never leave,
Yet you did.
And you left without a single word afterwards.
You made me promises too.
Saying how you’d stop doing that thing I hated,
That you didn’t need it in your life like you needed me;
And again I say,
Promises are apparently meant to be broken
Because you broke that promise a few days later.
You went behind my back.
You lied to me.
That thing is still number one on your list,
Just like it was when I was with you.
It always will be in my mind,
Even if you say it’s not.
Promises aren’t meant to be broken,
And if love really was involved
Neither one of us would have broken ours.
So I will say to you right now,
I never truly believe I loved you.
Farewell,
And just remember to not make promises
That you can’t keep.
That Plant
It’s that plant that made us wilt.
That plant makes people want more of it.
The plant that apparently helps people,
Even though it’s illegal around the world.
It “makes you feel better;”
It “takes away all of your problems.”
When in reality,
All that plant is…is an excuse.
An excuse to get away from your problems.
This is what made everything go wrong.
Every time something had come up,
Whether it be a small fight, or a big fight,
You ran to that plant.
That plant.
You said it was less important than me.
You said you could stop,
That it meant nothing to you.
Yet, here we are, separated,
All because it became number one on your list.
It replaced me.
I never knew a plant could make you feel better than a person did…
That’s what hurts the most.
The fact that a PLANT was more important than me,
The person whom you supposedly loved?
That plant was the death of us.
Darkness inside Me
Darkness starts to overwhelm me
When yesterday the light was shining bright.
What happened?
It’s like I had it one day,
And then, it just vanished.
Gone and ripped from my grasp.
I had learned to depend on that light for guidance, and for comfort.
Yet here it was…gone.
The light had started fading that one night,
And I should have noticed, I should have seen.
But when your mind is controlled by emotions.
You don’t see the change,
You don’t notice the pain and agony you’re going through.
Loving you was my first mistake.
Trusting you was my second.
Not believing in my own virtue was the third,
And letting you take me over was the last.
Thanks to you,
I’ve learned not to trust people so easily.
Thanks to you,
I don’t become close to people because you’ve broken me.
Not only did you put me through hell,
You developed a person who figured out who she was.
And with this,
I’ll tell you that this person you changed
Will never be naïve enough to be with someone like you again.
When that darkness started to set in…I knew.
The light was disappearing, and what appeared was something I hadn’t seen—
Darkness and denial.
With this darkness that was setting in,
A loss of ambition and hope set in as well;
A period of pretending to be happy,
Pretending to be okay…
When inside, I was really crumbling at every mention of you.
I denied these feelings;
I denied ever loving you
Because deep inside,
I know I never should have.
You made a darkness form inside me,
Something I’ve never experienced or seen before,
And one day I swear,
Darkness will be the end of me.
Times without You
My mind is racing;
I don't know where to go
Or who to tell.
No one will believe me.
I’m stuck in this world,
Alone.
I swear I hear your voice.
I go to see,
But no one is there.
The world is playing tricks on me.
It's making me think I need you.
I'm better off alone I swear.
I go lie down;
I start to sob.
My life feels worthless without you;
I feel like nothing.
I'm lying here in the darkness,
Or what could be known as darkness in the daytime,
And I can't control myself.
I've fallen into the black.
I'm way too deep into this foreign world.
How do I get out?
Or, moreover, do I want to get out?
Do I want to go back into a world where all that's known is
Pain, Love, and Heartbreak?
I'd rather be alone
Than be anywhere close to you.