The quivering lights, a blurred world
Filled with raucous laughter
And drunken cries
But a shimmering party to the outside

That’d include me,
Or maybe not
For I knew much better, and still choose this,
Maybe ignorance was really such bliss.

As I stepped into the cloud of smoke,
Walking upright, with my neckline plunging low,
I remembered the screams and the banged door,
And hastened even more

My “friends” ordered me a drink,
The waiter looked at me and blinked,
But was tucked with an extra bill
Underage drinking surely couldn’t kill?

High on my heels,
Though my toes hurt and knees weak,
I tried to take pride on how I shined,
Tried locking in all the insults and the painful cries
Easier said than done
Drinks, piercing music, but nothing could really shun,
The vacuum that I felt inside,
Broken by beatings in the name of family pride

But I was determined to let go of myself today,
No restrictions or humiliations shall stand in the way
Hence the mindless teenager revolted its way within
And set its eyes upon the tool of a meaningless win

He came across for my smile led him
He touched my earring and his hand “accidently” slipped in,
But my mind refused to register this fact,
For it became blind in its own rebellion act.

His fingers moved up to my face,
Lingered against my cheek with a ravenous craze,
The touch stirred up a not-so-forgotten ache
As I tried to continue with my masquerade

But the scene from yesterday flashed by,
Till tears welled up in my eyes,
A tight slap across the face,
Now hid under the layers of make-up, a careful façade


But the evanescence agonized my being,
Darkness swept over and against the edge I leaned
My hands moved up and knotted in his hair,
I jumped when I saw that no one around really cared.

Why couldn’t I make this insanity go away?
I didn’t even want him,
Or maybe I did?
Because I couldn’t have him?

As I held him and pulled him along
My mind tore itself in telling me its wrong,
For there was no future, no beyond
But all my hands did was to lead him on

I touched him and reveled my prize
But a feeling gnawed me from inside,
That knew he wasn’t really mine,
Just an act of defiance