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Good Morning
April 20, 2013
There is something crisp
about this morning
with an azure
clouded-dappled sky
and a honeyed haze.
There is something sweet
about this morning:
the vase of violet orchids
that sits on our nightstand
are fresh and fragrant as
the day last week
when you brought them home
coming back from work.
There is something provocative
about this morning
with the only thing covering
our bodies
are these thin
cool cotton sheets so sheer
that the outlines
of both you and me
must be visible:
our warmth trapped beneath.
You roll over,
thinking I’m asleep,
and get out of bed
without bothering to put on your crumpled clothes,
lying on the floor next to mine,
or without covering your torso
with some sheets.
You bare backside recedes
from my view
as you go out to the kitchen
to brew our coffee.
There is something euphonic
about this morning,
as you get back in bed,
and your voice
is the first sound
to bid me, “Good morning,”
while our steaming coffee
brews in the background,
its guttural song
making it all the way
into our bedroom.
There is something promising
about this morning
with your smile greeting me,
your cheeks dimpling,
letting me know
that I still have
one more day
with you
today.
© Megan M., Rives Jct., MI
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 157 comments.
sophistryxo SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 11:28 am
This is exactly the type of poem I enjoy reading. Excellent structure, imagery, and word choice!
I would appreciate your feedback on anything anything anything I've writtern. I have so much that needs to be critiqued. I want people who know what they're talking about to comment on them. I would love that. I won't be crushed if you're harsh. This poem is free verse. I know I could add some rhythm to it. But I wrote this so people could read till they see punctuation not just at the end of the line. Maybe that's why it seem jagged. And I won't forget to consider my options. Thank you for pointing them out. I guess I don't believe in myself enough.
I don't mind constructive feedback. I welcome it. And ask for it. People who can't handle it aren't true writers. By the way, Teenink does mess up the formats most of the time. But this piece if free verse. So it has no rhythm. The way you read this one—most of my free verse—is reading it until you see the punctuation. Although, I have piece with no punctuation which can be tricky. But thank you for pointing it out. You can read whatever captures your attention. I've much for anyone to read and comment.
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 19 2013 at 8:25 pm
Haha, I've noticed that! I tried to give someone else constructive feedback about their work and they didn't seem to take it very well. I see what you mean about the coffee and it's a very minor thing to begin with anyway so it was just basically a style preference of mine. One more thing since you clearly can appreciate constructive criticism. I kind of ignored this because I enjoyed it but I was wondering about the format of the poem. I know teen ink sometimes has trouble breaking up lines so I don't know if this is exactly how it should be read. Maybe it should be rewritten to fit a certain, I don't know, syllable count or something. I'm honestly not the best judge of poetry but it is just something to consider. Yes, it does seem to be common courtesy to reciprocate the commenting but I have noticed that is not always the occurence. Absolutely no problem. I may look at some other pieces of yours but I have been a bit busy lately so I don't want to promise anything. If I can, is there anything you have written that hasn't recieved much feedback?
Ha. You should think more about your horizons, love. You have so much potential. Don't ever forget that, okay? And as far as structure goes, well... It just seems to be a bit.. Jagged in the beginning... I can't exactly describe it. And shucks, I don't give criticism because I'm fairly harsh if I don't like something. But, I'll give you all the criticism you ask for! Love you too, darling! ;)
I found this poem to be very... intriguing. The imagery you put in the lay-out of it is simply marvelous, and well-done. I love the way it's almost as if I can see it. You might need to work on structure, however. Though it flows, it seems to need a bit of tweaking here and there. Fantastic poem, Mckay darling. And I agree with Rocky, you definitely have potential of being a song-writer. (:
rockyyyyyyyyy SILVER said...
on Jul. 19 2013 at 5:49 pm
Its interesting, it seems like you could be more of a song writer with this poem, but good none-the-less
Constructive feedback: haven't had that in forever. THANK YOU! Thank you for the suggestions also. Most people are too scared to suggest. Thank you for not being that person or part of that group. I realized I made some grammatical errors here and there. Fortunately, it worked out and didn't cease the editors from loving it. THANK YOU, EDITORS. The cloud part, I see your point there. It might sound smoother than "clouded". The coffee part, I'm not sure. Only because, I mentioned it. And, as a coffee person, I wanted people to hear the music of coffee brewing in the backgrounded. Though, I see how it can become redundant. And thank you for wanting this poem to become part of the magazine someday. I hope so too! I appreciate it. And I will definitely read and comment on your poem. (When people ask for feedback, it's only fair to return the favor. In my feedback forum, people always ask, but some don't give. Which can become annoying. But as you probably can see I'm not "suffering" from a lack of comments and feedback.) ^U^ But once again, I appreciate your feedback. Means a lot to me.
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 18 2013 at 11:58 pm
I adore this! It may not be perfect grammatically bit I love the imager it provokes. It tastes like morning. It is truly beautiful. I think clouded should be cloud, sits should be sit, maybe change the second coffee brews to something else since you already said it. I hope this masterpiece greets the pages of the magazine soon. Good luck! Oh and if you wouldn't mind could you take a look at my piece 'The Peak.' Thank you for offering to give feedback in return, by the way.
DarknessHasFallen GOLD said...
on Jul. 8 2013 at 4:59 pm
Beautiful, peaceful and i loved it.
DarknessHasFallen GOLD said...
on Jul. 8 2013 at 4:57 pm
beautiful and very descriptive...i love it.
